A rainy morning at the breast clinic

Day 5 of my elective in general surgery. Honestly, can't really say that I would look forward to becoming a surgeon. It requires good and precise hand technique / skills, involves standing for a long time, and a sound knowledge of anatomy. Need to be on my toes also in reading up because today the specialist asked me, "What is a teratoma?" Patchy as my O&G/paediatric knowledge might be, I was fortunate to have guessed it to be a tumour of the germ-cell lining, but felt bad coz the houseman who answered 'benign ovarian cancer' later got told off, "How come medical student can answer better than you?".

I'm actually beginning to enjoy myself (in 1st week that is), especially since I got to see and do many things, from scrubbing in for assisting in surgeries, to helping houseman in the wards, to examining breast lumps in patients. I told my consultant that the 4-5 patients I helped clerked, examined and diagnosed today in my 1st time ever in the breast clinic exceeded the exposure I gained during my 3rd year surgical posting. Now I really know what a fibroadenoma, galactocoele, lymph nodes etc feels like. My consultant told me that if I wanted more exposure / experience in certain areas I can request for it and she will see what she can do about it. (Actually I do wonder whether she can teach me how to do an appendicectomy as a houseman :p lolz)

p/s: From time to time you will see Chinese patients who exaggerate the minor complaints they have, though it is not serious. Today there was one whom insisted to be seen and given follow up by the consultant (although she does not need another review), whom reminded the nurse - at the next appointment, she does not want to see this patient.

Enduring hardship and uncertainty

James 1:2-5,12 - Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

I scrubbed in and assisted in his subtotal colectomy of a 74 year old patient who had multiple polyps in his duodenum and colon, which shows moderate to severe dysplastic changes. There were 4 of us, the consultant, the medical officer, the houseman, and me. Considering the limited space I had to move around, it can be rather tedious manoeuvering myself to help hold the retractor and do some suction.. got some backache due to muscle spasm as a result of maintaining awkward postures for some time.. of course, got to hear the consultant ridiculing the houseman as the worst person so far to have assisted her during surgery (Moral: need to be sensitive to anticipate the next steps during the operation and be proactive). Surgery was prolonged as the surgeon accidentally cut 1 of the colic arteries, and patient bled into the peritoneal cavity. By the time we were done, super tired - 4 HOURS standing, wah really can die wan leh :p!!! As I prepared to head back to the ward, the consultant laughed at the sight of me being drenched in sweat despite of the air-conditioned operating theatres..

As the season of exam and assignment deadlines in UTM and Monash approaches, it is interesting to listen to people share what they are going through at the moment, and of course uphold our challenges as a lifegroup unto God's hands.

In the past, ever given up in doing something, say telling yourself that you've had enough? 4 years ago in Australia, I remembered starting off being enthusiastic in learning guitar. I was supposed to start off practising the basic finger grip (ie chords), but I got overexcited trying to show off and started strumming away at different songs. When Jason, my ex-shepherd found out, he scolded and banned me from further playing any songs before I got the basics right. After that, I became upset and didn't want to learn guitar anymore. So I did not touch any guitar, until 2 years later when I came to JB.

My current shepherd shared of his previous architecture field expedition to Gunung Mulu in Sarawak, where his classmates and him joined a team for hiking. It was not an easy journey trail, and with 3 checkpoints to reach, many of his friends already decided to turn back at the 1st checkpoint, given the rocky terrain, concern that they might not make it back in time, and many of them suffering bruises and fatigue. Based on his fitness level, he also felt that it was something which could not be done. However, the guide who was with him encouraged him to move on, so they chatted on many things along the way, at times the guide would offer him some water from his giant water bottle. Without realising it, they made it to the last checkpoint.

Even Apostle Paul admitted that he is not perfect yet, but he continues to run towards the prize. Things can appear difficult when viewed the 1st time around, but as you overcome them one by one, slowly it becomes a reference point which you can look back and say "I have persevered.", things will gradually be able to move forward at a faster pace. It builds our character to learn to trust in God through various defining moments, coz it is human nature that we don't like not knowing what lies ahead. Also, just because some things do not seem to be happening at the moment, we need to continue putting in effort, not stop right there coz many times it is not a one-off thing (eg many times, prayers don't get answered instantly, especially if not accompanied by action). Never give up.

Hebrews 12:1-2 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

p/s: Happy blessed birthday to Chan, indeed as we look back at birthdays as milestones of how much we have grown, thank you for your partnership in this vision, and helping me to evaluate myself in learning to love, accept and forgive others. Despite his nature, able to see how God is at work changing his life since knowing him in 2008, as he does his best in transport arrangement, babysitting, Sunday school, to staying back to work as a part time teacher while waiting to pursue his Masters, and now making a difference in someone's life.

Rain drops on my window pane

Currently listening: 齊為此地呼求 (Cry out for the land)
by: 讚美之泉 (Stream of Praise)

Started my 1st day of general surgery elective. Observed a thyroidectomy and mastectomy (breast excision). Consultant was nice enough to allow me a rare opportunity to scrub in to assist a hernia repair. God is good.

Forgot to bring umbrella, so got drenched in the afternoon thunderstorm, exhausted and not feeling so well. God is still good.

Still waiting to see how my accommodation issue will play out. Parents not happy. It's ok. God is still good. In such times, help me to see that all things work for the good of those who love you.

It has been 17 years of God's faithfulness in Hope JB. Time flies, since I 1st set foot 2.5 years ago, as someone who barely knew how to speak Mandarin.. Encouraged being reminded of pastor's testimony, from failing high school, to miraculously getting through bible college in Australia.. to his decision to come back to Malaysia, how God honoured such a seemingly insignificant beginning and was able to mightily used a seemingly useless person, with no special talents. God is good.

Was telling a junior of mine a few days ago about my EBCP assignment crisis a few years back, when 2 days before the deadline, I discovered that my article had some problems and could not be used.. On the eve of the deadline, I had to make a decision whether to go for church prayer meeting or stay home and work on my assignment (still could not complete my Medline search on the previous night), but I made the decision to go, so I prayed that I shall give my best without compromise. That was my 1st year in Hope JB, and also the time I learnt that God will honour those who honour Him. On the morning of the Friday deadline, my work turned out to be more productive in those 2 hours, as compared to the previous 2 days. Although I was contented with a 'pass' as I handed up my assignment, I was blessed with a near perfect score, something which was beyond my imagination.. God is good.

As it rains..

A pretty wet week to end my emergency department rotation.

I learnt that in emergency medicine, you cannot forget your anatomy and physiology.

Chinese patients can be difficult to please. Was asked to look for the patient card for a patient, and my mispronunciation of the patient's name earned me a sarcastic jeer from his wife, "You are Chinese, but don't know how to pronounce people's name properly.."

1 elderly patient with bladder cancer was brought in for body weakness, diagnosed with urinary tract infection. He was supposed to have an appointment with the oncologist at Hospital B*, but the wife thought that he was wrongly sent to Hospital A* where I am posted. The patient was discharged with antibiotics, and the initial plan was for him and his wife to go to Hospital B by taxi, but he complained of being weak and in too much pain to walk. The MO told her directly that there is nothing left for them to do, and despite repeated pleas, they cannot afford to use the hospital's limited number of ambulances to transfer the patient to Hospital B. The option of hiring a private ambulance service was deemed not worth the cost. Eventually, when nobody was looking, I took her aside and explained nicely to her that there is nothing we can do, since it is a policy set in place, clearly delineated.. She promised not to tell the doctors that I lent her my handphone to call her relatives to come and transfer her husband (I know I'm not supposed to, but it's something off the record as I see the need - of course I won't do it to everybody). I think she felt touched lor, as she replied in Cantonese "Thank you ar doctor, you are really a kind person." I think it's a sad case, as she can be heard cursing over the phone of how increasingly cruel and heartless the doctors in government hospitals are becoming, all simply because of a lack of empathy as people are just interested in getting their jobs done.

A baby was discharged from the neonatal ward with a poor prognosis of anencephaly (or some brain problem lar). The next morning, the parents awoke to find their child not responsive, and was most probably no more. They made a police report, and by right the police were supposed to arrange for a post-mortem and some kind of burial permit at the mortuary. It was not done. Before coming to the emergency department, the father brought the dead baby to the ward, going berserk when nobody bothered to explain to him what to do. When it was finally settled, I think it's ridiculous and disrespectful to observe undertakers from some casket company harassing and negotiating the cost of burial from the parents, trying to earn a living at a time when people are in grief.

More decisions..

Currently listening: 赞美之泉 - 认定你 (Stream of Praise - I will trust in You)

Basically I have just under 2 weeks left before the end of my tenancy at my current apartment unit, and with my housemate moving out, will have to decide whether to continue my present tenancy (either I find somebody to take up the other room, or end up paying RM1500 instead of RM900 currently). In addition, with the 3 September deadline looming, have to decide whether to re-examine the option of postponing my graduation and take up a BMedSc research degree in order to remain as a student (last year, financial support was an issue, and this year, I haven't even approached anybody about available projects, what more the money required for the fees, as I will be enrolled as an Australian student).

In view of these major decisions, my shepherd challenged me to (in addition to the NECF 40-day fast and pray) fast for a full 48 hours (no food, only drink plain water) and spend some time seeking God. Initially found it to be a struggle, since I need to be involved with presentations and assessments at the hospital, and on 1 of the days I was not feeling well.

Nevertheless, it was 2 days of breakthrough. For the 1st day, as mentioned in the previous post, God reminded me from a previous sermon by brother Elijah that joy is not a feeling (like happiness), to be joyful is a decision, whether or not things are going according to our plans - as long as we give our best.

For the 2nd day, God reminded me of the theme of trusting Him. Many times we have our own ideas or plans which we intend to carry out (sometimes we say it's for God), or even things we like and hold on to, but it is human nature to do things relying on our own understanding, or to end up being self-centred. However, today we know that God sees the bigger picture, his ways and thoughts are higher than ours. For example, would Mary have ever imagined of herself being chosen to give birth to Jesus? Or Paul, who ended up travelling across Asia and Europe preaching to the Gentiles? Because God loves us, He knows what is best for us.

Since I was in charge of games, was actually wondering how to come up with one which fits the theme. It was a pleasant surprise that after much thinking, the idea came instantly during lunch prayer, and that night's lifegroup flow from the introduction, to the games, to the praise and worship all fell into place and set up nicely for the message later by God's grace.

Today I received a text message from the accommodation office saying that the landlady rejected my request for a rental reduction. No doubt that the stress of the situation is there, but at the same time there exists an inner peace, one that compels me to praise Him, despite the current situation.

Finally, as I had my dinner after 48 hours last night, what I figured was impossible at 1st (I do find it difficult to resist food :p) was achieved by God's grace.

Joy of the Lord

..is our strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)
..comes not from whether things going our way, but from a close, loving relationship walking with Him.
..comes from encountering His presence.

Currently listening: Planetshakers - Rejoice in You

Today is the day you made, and I will sing for joy, and I will be glad in it.
Today promises are true, Your mercies are renewed, so I will rejoice in it.

More little life blessings

One was an encounter with 1 of my fellow juniors at the clinical school, followed by receipt of an sms of thanks. Another was someone who felt touched and approached to me in church to thank me for encouraging him during church camp 2 months ago. Both reminded me of the importance of imparting the right principles and sharing what God places in your heart.

Was concerned with my dad when I found out about his cataract. No doubt it was mild, but his vision plays a very important role, especially as a pilot. Nevertheless, thank God and I was able to see how such an incident brought us a bit closer and enabled us both to chat longer with each other on the phone, since at times it can be difficult to find stuff to talk about between both of us..

I lost my 8GB pink Kingston USB on campus, and though its not so much the price of the pendrive, but it was an unpleasant experience due to the many important stuff it contains, and the current hassle of saving documents.. Nevertheless, God knows and provides for my needs, as during last weekend's dermatology seminar quiz, I won a prize, and it was a brand new pendrive sponsored by the drug company. Although it's only 2GB in storage capacity, it's enough for my current usage.

When you fail to discipline those you love

Adapted from reference: Shanghai daily
*Name and place deidentified*
There was a guy whom was born in China as the only child to his parents. From a young age, his parents spoilt him a lot. He was quite clever, but never wanted to do any homework. If his teacher tried to be a bit more strict with him, his parents would come to school the next day. At the age of 8, people ask why his parents would carry him around on a pole, when other children are able to walk. At the age of 13, his father died of liver disease. His mother would not let him do any work at home, and eventually passed away when he was 18 due to illness from overworking. After the death of his mother, he sold all his possessions and went to live with his cousin. He was recommended to work at a construction site, but quit the job because he could not stand the heat. He took up another job as a waiter, but was fired because he wanted other people to serve him. He later went to live in a village and begged for food from the villagers, but the food / raw materials offered by the villagers were often left untouched at his doorstep, because he was too lazy to cook it, or in the case of cooked food, wanted people to spoonfeed him. He never learnt how to do his laundry, and when his clothes become dirty, he would just throw it away and get a new one. When winter arrived, he would burn the items in the house to stay warm, even his own bed. This cycle of eating and sleeping repeated itself until one day his cousin who came to visit him with food found him starved to death, at the age of 23.

Emergency and Trauma Department blues

Currently listening: Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

I followed an ambulance to the scene of a motor vehicle accident, and the guy had a fractured clavicle (collarbone). I was trying to set a IV drip, then suddenly the stretcher which the patient was lying on was not locked properly in place, and suddenly slid backward as the ambulance accelerated. Lost my balance and almost went flying. The IV branula? Bunged..

Patient came in at the middle of the night. Highly suspected dengue from the blood results. Set IV drip for him, and he was awaiting ward admission. Later he became frustrated as his phone ran out of battery and there were barely staff around to offer him a phone charger. He told a staff member that he was going outside to use the public phone to call his wife, and.. later ended up absconding (ie ran away from the hospital)

We were stunned to have a patient had epigastric pain the day before, so she took 2 panadols for the pain every hour from the evening before until this night. Paracetamol poisoning, required gastric lavage and activated charcoal (black powder mixed with water, looks like ur oil spill). As the nurses were pumping the charcoal into the patient's stomach, 1 of the nurses mentioned, "The patient looks nauseated, later I have a feeling the ceiling is going to become black due to projectile vomiting." The vomiting did come, except that the patient end up turning towards me at bedside. There goes my white coat. The nurse cheekily remarked, "I told you :p"

There are 4 ECG machines in the yellow zone for use (2 among the beds, 1 at a nearby clinical consult table, 1 in the observation ward). 3 were spoilt, leaving only one, and the specialist grumbling away on how to meet the standard of their performance indicator, ECG needs to be done within 10 minutes to rule out myocardial infarction (heart attack).

Young man wheeled in unconscious, but vital signs were stable, nothing seems broken. Apparently he broke into somebody's house and molested a girl, so the villagers beat him up. When he came in, the nurse tapped him on the shoulder. No response. Another member of staff decided to give him several tight slaps on the face. No response. Poured a bottle of saline onto his face. No response. I mistakenly thought a Ryles tube was required, so I inserted it, only to realise it was meant to stimulate the gag reflex and wake the patient up in a pretty crude way. No response. They then poured hydrogen peroxide on the patient's abrasion wound (OUCH.. you can see the wound site bubbling away). No response, quite horrified when they joked of pouring it down the Ryles tube. Later, I asked where did the patient go? Answer I received, "Oh, mereka pergi mandikan dia (they went to give him a bath)." *swt*

Baby day 2 of life, transferred all the way from Batam (island under Indonesia) by ferry, then from the jetty to the hospital by ambulance, diagnosed with gastrochisis (bowel outside the abdomen). Called paeds surgical, no choice but to inform the parents that a central directive from KL forbids them from accepting and operating on their child due to difficulty following up foreigner patients - ie have to go private..

Slept 2 out of 36 hours post-on call

With all I am

Currently listening: Hillsong - This is my desire

Giving our best
In John 3:16, God demonstrated the perfect example of love through giving. For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son. Today it is not about how much we have, but what matters is the heart, ie how much we are willing to give, that will make a difference. We may not have a lot of skills / limited resources, and hence might not see a lot of results, but give your best and God will honour it.

Luke 21:1-4 - As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. "I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

It is easy to talk about giving when people are in a comfortable environment, but in times of poverty / limitations like the poor widow, or even like in John 6:8-13 when the boy only have 5 loaves and 2 fish, when you offer all you have, God can work wonders. At least 5000 men (excluding women and children) did not go home hungry that evening. He is our Father who desires to be close to us, and will definitely give us what we need. However, the principle is always to lay down yourself, and seek 1st His kingdom.

Currently, the pastor of the largest church in the world (>800,000 members), is in South Korea, but if you read what he went through a few decades ago, he experienced a time of crisis when he ran out of money to fund his church building, and construction came to a halt. He ended up having to sell his house and belongings to fund the project. Many nights would be spent weeping in frustration at the construction site and crying out why God allowed this apparent tragedy to happen. Nevertheless, Korean people last time were not very well-to-do, so they would donate seemingly random items. A member of the relatively small congregation gave a fork, which puzzled this pastor, what can be done with a fork? Little did he know, this gesture caught the eye of a businessman, who gave generously. Another incident involved a beggar who walked past the construction site one night as a group of them were praying, and when heard about what was going on, decided to give his broken bowl which he used to beg for money. It was all he had. What can be done with a broken bowl? A missionary who happened to be in the area heard about it and asked if he could bring the bowl back to his home country. Back home, he shared about this incident with his congregation, and in ways nobody could understand, they managed to collect a large amount of money, sufficient to resume to construction project.

To the ordinary spectator, a fork or broken bowl might amount to nothing, but whatever the challenge, Psalm 23 mentions that the Lord is my shepherd - we will have no fear or lackings, peace and security will continue to be with us, coz God is at work with us. He can make the impossible possible.

Walking the extra mile
1 Corinthians 4:15-17 (Timothy sent to teach)
1st mile: The act of sharing / teaching
2nd mile: Passion / attitude of love and care (many guardians, but few fathers)

2 Timothy 1:16-18 (member of Ephesus church)
1st mile: Acceptance of Paul's chains (ie not ashamed of people)
2nd mile: Took effort to search for Paul all over Rome during visit

2 Corinthians 8:2 (Macedonian church)
1st mile: To give
2nd mile: Generosity in extreme trial and poverty

According to the law in ancient times, a Roman soldier on a journey can force any Jews he encountered along the way to carry his bagpack for him up to a mile's distance. In the same way today, we might be required to do something we dislike. What does the world teach? Complain. Protest (this is discrimination / injustice, your human rights have been trampled upon).

What does Jesus say? When people make you walk a mile, you walk with him 2 miles. Easy to say, but when it comes to taking action is another matter. In ministry/serving today, let us not be too calculative in what we do, although we might seem to be doing more than others. However, in the same way as you love your parents, you would be willing to do your best for them, what more God? He does not look at your skill, talent etc, but at your heart.

More love

The object of this massive tribute died as he had always lived - a private man without wealth, without property, without official title or office. Mahatma Gandhi was not a commander of great armies nor ruler of vast lands. He could boast no scientific achievements or artistic gift. Yet men, governments and dignitaries from all over the world have joined hands today to pay homage to this little brown man in the loincloth who led his country to freedom. Pope Pius, the Archbishop of Canterbury, President Truman, Chiang Kai-shek, The Foreign Minister of Russia, the President of France... are among the millions here and abroad who have lamented his passing. In the words of General George C. Marshall, the American Secretary of State, "Mahatma Gandhi had become the spokesman for the conscience of mankind, a man who made humility and simple truth more powerful than empires." And Albert Einstein added, "Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth."

"Whenever I despair, I remember that the way of truth and love has always won. There may be tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they may seem invincible, but in the end, they always fail. Think of it: always."

Watched 2 movies during consecutive prayer meetings. 'Tuesdays with Morrie' portrayed a famous sports journalist, who while being caught up with his hectic lifestyle, learnt lessons on living from his dying ex-professor. It's interesting to see how people get caught up pursuing all sorts of things in life, that when conversation on end of life arises, many see it as a taboo, coz they simply have yet to found the true purpose of what they are living for (ie things which really matter)..

'Gandhi' portrayed the life of one of India's most respected icons in history. As a young lawyer trained in England, Mohandas K. Gandhi's exploits 1st became well-known when he led a non-violent protest for the rights of Indians in South Africa. He would later return to his homeland, and developed compassion for many of his people (especially in rural areas) who lived miserably in oppressive conditions under British rule. It's amazing how despite various challenges and difficulties, which include imprisonment from time to time, colonial oppression, racial tensions, he continued to live a simple and humble life, uniting all his countrymen and advocating non-violence as a measure to obtain independence. His perseverance finally paid off after many years, when he was already old, as the British finally granted independence to India.

1 thing we can learn is that Gandhi is a man of principles, as seen through his life where he lived out the values he held on to. If as 1 person he is able to make a difference by living out such a life, what more Christians (since we call ourselves God's children)?

We see a lot of problems among ourselves today when it comes to relationships, both internally and externally, especially when we fail to practise what we preach, accept other people's weaknesses, or tend to become upset when our rights are trampled upon. It's a reminder (for myself as well) that love, acceptance and forgiveness (even towards those who are annoying or don't deserve it) starts from building our close relationship with God. If God so loved the world, can we afford not to?

Sets the theme for this quarter bible conference, doesn't it?
Title: A Loving Church
Date: 13-15 August 2010
Venue: Hope Place, Skudai Parade

Currently listening: 愛可以再更多一點點 (More Love)
by: 讚美之泉 (Stream of Praise)

我可以擁有全世界 卻沒有愛
(I could have the whole world and yet still have no love)
我可以明白所有事 卻還是空白
(I could understand all things but feel empty inside)
我可以用信心移山 卻還是孤單
(I could move the mountains by faith yet seem so alone)
這世界沒有了愛 一切仍是黑白
(Without love, this world would be empty, just black and white)

Bridge
不要埋藏在心裡 把愛說出來
(Don’t hide it inside your heart, say it out in truth)
不要默默在一旁 把愛活出來
(Don’t hide it in the corner, let your love shine through)

Chorus
喔愛 可以再更多一點點
(Oh come, let’s all try to pour out more love)
不怕被傷害 把靈魂鎖起來
(Just put your fears aside, let your compassion rise)
愛 可以再更多一點點
(Come, let’s all try to pour out more love)
從天父來的愛 把懼怕挪開
(The love that’s from the Father will cast away all fears)
發現幸福在轉角與你相遇
(You’ll find His joy abounding reaching for you)
一瞬間 這世界變得好美
(With God’s love, this world is so beautiful)

Life..

There were once 2 brothers who lived on the 80th floor. On coming home one day, they realized to their dismay that the lifts were not working and that they had to climb up the large number of stairs. After struggling and making it to the 20th floor, panting and tired, they decided to abandon their bags and come back for them later once the lifts are working again. So they left their bags there and climbed on. When they were coming up to the 40th floor, the younger brother started to grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the flights of steps, quarreling all the way. By the time they reached the 60th floor, both were exhausted and have no more strength to quarrel anymore. They then realized that they had only 20 levels more to climb and decided to continue climbing in peace. They silently climbed on and reached their home at last. Each stood calmly before the door and waited for the other to open the door, only to realize that the key was in their bags, left on the 20th floor ..

---------------------------

Many of us live for the expectations of our parents, teachers and friends when we were young. We seldom get to do the things that we really like or love. It is under so much pressure and stress. After the age of 20, as we 1st enter university/college, it felt as if most of us have dumped the weight of expectations off our back, and we work enthusiastically to achieve our personal goals and dreams.

But by the time we reach our 40s, we realise that the struggles in life is not as easy as it seems, and start to lose our vision and along with that, our dreams and goal in life. We began to feel unsatisfied and start to complain and criticize anything and everything under the sun; this government lousy lar, that not good lar etc. We are miserable coz we are never satisfied.

Reaching 60, we realize that we have little time left for complaining and we began to walk the final phases of our lives in peace and calmness. What to do? People don't live that long :p We think that there is nothing left that could disappoint us, only to realize at the age of 80 that our greatest hopes and dreams still lay unfulfilled back when we were 20.

Thinking point: It starts with you

Acts 3:1-10

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

There is a saying that the art of communication is very important, be it among ourselves or to other people. There was a story about a blind man, who sat begging for money by the sidewalk. In front of him was a sign, "I am blind, please help me." He has been there for a long time, but only a few people cared enough to dropped several coins into the container in front of him. One morning, a man walking by dropped a large sum of money into the container, paused for a while, then proceeded to take the blind man's sign, turn it around, and wrote something on it. Soon, the blind man started to hear coins pouring into his container, as many people gave. One thing about blind people is they tend to be sensitive in their hearing, so upon recognising the footsteps of the man who came in the morning, the blind man grabbed him and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write on it?" The man answered, "I wrote what you meant, but in a different way. It read, "Today is a beautiful day, but I cannot see."

Peter was a short-tempered, brash person who tends to talk or act before thinking. John on the other hand, was more of a reflective person who would think through something before expressing himself. Put 2 such people together and you might witness a clash of egos and personalities sooner or later. If we look at the context of the church today, how can 2 people from seemingly diverse and extreme backgrounds walk and serve together? There are bound to be conflicts, but if not because of this vision, it would have been impossible.

Some people may be able to do something faster and more effectively than others, but when you are assigned the job despite your lesser ability, are we willing to be faithful in such little things to be a blessing to others? On the other hand, there might be times when we felt annoyed at other people's apparent weaknesses / slowness. However, God has given you the best, He puts people in your life to mould and work with you. At the end of the day, you never know that you might probably gain more out of the relationship. John Maxwell pointed out that 'The journey with others is always slower than the journey alone - for the friendship of 2, the patience of 1 is necessary'. Therefore, when we felt like complaining / annoyed over somebody, always remind ourselves that we ourselves are the one that needs to change, whether the other person eventually improves / changes its not up to you to decide. It starts with you, don't point fingers at other people, 10 fingers will point back to you, coz everybody has shortcomings. Learn lay down yourself to appreciate and be a complement to one another, not look at others as a thorn in our eyes.

We might cover up the superficial and pretend as if everything is ok on the outside, but what is actually inside your heart, God knows and He is able to change it. Everything starts with a change of heart. Looking at many problems around us today, if you trace the root of the problem, the origin and what needs to be changed starts from the heart. Example: Some say that better education can eradicate the problem of crime, since most criminals come from lower socioeconomic and educational backgrounds, but its not necessarily true as it can also produce criminals who are smarter at what they do.

When John and Peter looked at the beggar at the Beautiful gate, the person only wanted money. Born lame since birth, he has depended on others throughout his life coz he can't work for a living. Peter and John could have given him money, but they gave him something better, a new beginning in a person's life. Do we dare to believe and claim God's miracle from His word? Maybe we are looking at the wrong places, expecting big things (eg blind seeing and the lame walking) but we missed that every life transformation (big or small) is a miracle. John and Peter may not have much, but they gave what they have wholeheartedly, and in that moment, God accomplished more than they could imagined.

Currently listening: Hillsong - One thing

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And I will seek Your face
Call upon Your name, Jesus
All I want is You, Jesus..

Believe

Currently listening: Hillsong - Believe

3 weeks spent in O&G.. a short time, but not that productive for me, coz need to get my modules done, and exhaustive ward rounds in the mornings and afternoons leave little time for reading up stuff (what more, with the World Cup going on right now :p)

O&G is filled with various characters, you have a medical officer (MO) who apparently doesn't quite like me (he frequently stares at me with a fierce look), you have registrars who clown around and talk nonsense, you have fierce specialists scolding housemen like nobody's business for not meeting their expectations. And then you have.. me - the final year medical student who roams the wards, supposedly to function like a pre-tagging houseman, but due to the high medicolegal risk of the department, ended up wandering around like a blur case.. Of course, conducted a few deliveries along the way.. am thankful for an MO who willingly supervised my 1st episiotomy from beginning to the end. Was glad because I didn't really get a chance in medical school to actually suture a REAL patient, all my sutures were on models (and pork bellies in Melbourne :p).

1 houseman who saw me in the changing room asked me, "You like to hang around in the hospital is it? Coz for most of us, if there is no reason to stay, and it's already 5pm, just go home. Don't really bother giving a f*#%ing s%#t to what goes on.." No wonder a patient's wife walked up to me the other day to complain that doctors in government hospitals don't have this thing called c-o-m-p-a-s-s-i-o-n.

Need to train myself to sleep less and exercise more.

Got reminded that just as I myself would like to have someone believe in me, I too should not stop believing for a breakthrough, be it in certain situations / people. Especially when you are presented with a half-answered prayer, not knowing what to do, and trying to tell yourself not to be distracted by the time factor.

Retreat

Currently listening: Hillsong - Hosanna

As I try to get something going, I think I got too many questions in my mind at the moment.
Is it too late? Is it worth it? How do I overcome certain weaknesses?
How to carry out certain things? Is there a guidebook? What are the do's and don'ts?
What should be my goal or aim? What should be my focus? How to balance certain things?
It is like something is so near and on the verge of happening, but can't push through the ceiling, and I duno what is it..
But at the end of the day, need to learn to trust and not lean on my own understanding.. hopefully this week's personal retreat will yield something as I quieten down myself..
Time is running out, but I try to remind myself to be patient.. and wait upon His perfect timing.

Where to from here?

Currently listening: Sound the bugle
by: Bryan Adams (OST: Spirit - Stallion of the Cimarron)

Sound the bugle now, play it just for me
As the seasons change, remember how I used to be
Now I can't go on, I can't even start
I've got nothing left, just an empty heart.

I'm a soldier, wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me, lead me away
Or leave me lying here

Sound the bugle now, tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know that leads to anywhere
Without a light, I fear that I will stumble in the dark
Lay right down and decide not to go on.

Then from on high, somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls, "Remember who you are"
If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow
So be strong tonight, remember who you are.

Yeah, you're a soldier now
Fighting in a battle
To be free once more
Yeah, that's worth fighting for.

Psalm 143:5-8, 10 - I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what You hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for You like a parched land. Answer me quickly O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

End song: Sing of your great love
By: Planetshakers

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11th Southern Region Church Camp

Theme: A Seed Church
Date: 17-20 June 2010
Venue: Tiara Beach Resort, Port Dickson

Hard to imagine right? The sequoia, one of the largest trees in the world, started off as a tiny seed. Within a seed, no matter how small it is, lies the potential to become a whole tree and bear fruit.

Time also to prepare to do some soul-searching as to what next, since I'm in my final year already..

Photo acknowledgement: kahncious.net

Week 2 - Neonatal ward

Out of nowhere, the paeds MO asked me to follow her.
Me: Where to?
MO: Have you ever done neonatal resuscitation before?
Me: Err... we have a workshop which 1 of our tutors went through with us about the basic stuff lar, using a dummy.
MO: Ok lar then.. take this resuscitation box, follow me to labour room OT. Baby undergoing emergency Caesarean section with thick meconium stained liquor..
Me: *swt* Ok...?? (but I have never actually done 1 before)

That was nice of the MO to try and explain stuff along the way.. in the OT can be really different as compared to simulated environment.. everything must be prepared in advance in anticipation of the baby.. then as soon as the baby is out, its a mad scramble.. (I helped to auscultate the fetal heart - bradycardic), direct suction done as well as use of the meconium aspirator.. we were taught to insert the suction tube as far as our eyes can see, so I was shocked at how deep they actually shoved the tube down the throat and nose.. Baby started to cry.. Situation not as bad as we thought :)

Got bored looking for patient in the ward for my modules, so decided to play high-five with 1 of the kids :p

Excitement in paeds can come in unexpected ways lolz (that is, depending on the type of kids you get)..

International lifegroup :p

Students from Nigeria, Iraq, France (and of course 1Malaysia).

Defining moment

Currently listening: City Harvest Church - Because of You

There was a story about a man who fell off the ledge of a cliff, as it was quite dark and difficult to see. Fortunately, he managed to cling onto a branch at the edge. He looked up and shouted, “Hello??!! Is there anybody up there? Help me!!” Suddenly a voice answered, “Hey there, it’s me – I am God. I can help you, but you will have to let go of that branch.” The man was silent for a moment, and then shouted again, “Err.. Is there anybody ELSE up there???!!!” A group of people who came by later would come across a weird discovery, a dead body with the person’s hands basically 'glued' to the branch, but the ground only a few metres below his feet.

Some do-or-die situations lead people to come to their defining moments, where decisions need to be made which will determine where many things will end up. Today, what is yours? If there is something today that you are perhaps clinging onto tightly at such a time, perhaps God wants to remove that item so that you will once again take that step of faith and look to Him as your source of security.