Monday
Headache. Blame the perfectionism.. or better still, blame the pride.. I duno lar, probably it was the head massage the traditional medicine pracitioner gave me in Segamat (nearly detached my head from my neck! until I couldnt walk in a straight line), or the heat stroke I suffered playing football in the 2pm hot sun.. felt like fainting, and also my body inside was boiling.. the after effects of rural placement activities..
Overslept and couldnt make it 4 CF prayer meeting at 8am. Haven't really been sleeping well for the past week or so ever since coming back from Segamat.. Rushing the rural assignment.. imagine lar classes were from 8am til 5pm, and still rushing that stupid 2000+ word essay late into the night. Sleeping at 2-3 am plus.. it's just me being fussy lar.. editing every minute little nitty gritty part of the assignment to the extent that what can be done as a group in a day or 2, gave me 3 sleepless nights.. that also our paediatrics case wasn't really complete, a lot of stuff couldn't be obtained from patient interview (if its marked by our rural placement coordinator - who happens 2 b a paediatrician, can die wei..)..
Worship revival night at 8 pm, didn’t feel like going.. Go! I will go.. phoned 4 anyone who happened 2 have transport.. Helena replied that we are leaving at 6 pm.. *pengsanz* need 2 rush there after class.. but yeah, like Pastor Willie said, press in.. sing like you have never sung it b4, from the bottom of ur heart.. do not leave this place missing out on God's presence.
Tuesday
Imagine lar spending the whole morning editing and researching 4 the rural assignment and trying 2 prepare my task 4 anatomy practical later in the afternoon.. had 2 also get the worksheet done 4 the visit 2 the orang asli village..
Later in the afternoon, we had Associate Professor Tony Buzzard from Monash Clayton campus, Australia 2 give us a lecture on the Abdomen and Pelvis.. he was quite good, although almost all his powerpoint slides are just pictures from textbooks.. later when we are having the practical, he was walking around observing what we are doing.. When it came to my turn to present my tasks 2 my group members, he just sat there right in front of me and asked me 2 go ahead. (I was like thinking.. WHAT IN THE WORLD..??) Duno lar.. just pretend 2 act smart and present as if I know a lot (although there were some parts I duno what I'm talking also..) when I finished, he said "Good." and walked 2 the next table (duno lar what kind of impression I gave 2 him about Malaysian students)..
Later went home in the evening only 2 realise that I lost my green plastic document box (ie plastic file), with the past few weeks' important lecture notes and documents inside.. Crap.. couldn't sleep the whole night (head felt heavy).. super burnt out til wanna cry dy.
Wednesday
Community Based Practice placement.. kinda like the community service project mentioned in earlier blog posts.. one of the school teachers were not around, so my group had 2 take care of a class of students belonging to the most severe cases (of intellectual disability).. I tell u, these ppl will not sit down and do work when told.. absolutely total chaos, they were running around the class, banging the tables, some of them tried 2 whack me, things were falling off the cupboard thanks 2 them, no wonder the class teacher was yelling at the top of her voice.. *more headache* irritating kids.. felt like slapping them..
Afternoon - fellow CG member msg me, asked me whether I can be the chairperson for CG this week (F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and B.U.D.D.I.E.S.) we are now at D.D. of B.U.D.D.I.E.S. (Develop and Discuss).. the theme was basically good and bad characteristics.. i said ok..
Later at CF (welcoming reception - return of the meddies) - headache over who 2 help 4 the RM50 ministry project leh.. btw, CF dinner was at Bak Kut Teh of SS15 (Argh!! I miss bak kut teh. Crap, cannot go coz need 2 do work. Eh, why do u guys have 2 go there lar on that day)..
Felt rather miserable, headache coz of the assignments.. stayed back til late.. Tried 2 print some of the photos I took 4 my CBP project, but the instant photo machine at my hostel ate my camera's memory card. NO!!! Not at this time???!! Wah lau.. Now I can't take photos tomorrow. Stupid machine.. Returned home feeling tired, cranky and sleepy, roommate asked me 2 help him with referencing 4 his assignment.. felt like telling him off as to why in the world is he allowing himself 2 b forced 2 do science if he is more interested in graphic design.. eventually referred him 2 Monash library tutorial website 4 Harvard referencing. I cannot take this anymore.. Honestly, 95% of me did not feel at all like being chairperson for Thursday. Can somebody else replace me 4 Thursday?? I just do not want 2 care bout anything anymore..
Wait. I have a choice. I can stay on this way feeling like crap all week long, or I can choose 2 go the other way. I'm not going 2 let all these nonsense deter me. I will do this. I can do this.
Thursday
Slept at 1am (same heavy head which prevented me from falling asleep).. woke up super early coz 2day wanted 2 rush 2 the CBP placement site early 2 do gardening.. had 2 episodes of stomach discomfort and had 2 go 2 the toilet.. was starting 2 think "Great, what in the world is going 2 happen next?"..
Afternoon - shepherd called 2 ask whether everything's allright 4 2nite's chairing.. That reminds me.. how 2 go about chairing? No idea yet.. phoned my assistant CG leader 2 check what is she sharing and how 2 correlate with my part.. She msg; The title of 2day's sharing is 'Radiant certainty'. Huh? Excuse me? "Oh, its about faith. Try 2 bring in or share elements or quotes which talk about faith, without mentioning the word too much if possible."
*Pengsanz*
Contradictory 2 what I was told yesterday.. How in the world do you link good + bad characteristics with faith? and my PCL homework not yet finish leh..
7.00 pm - 30 minutes b4 CG starts. still looking 4 inspiration. 5 mintues b4 caregroup starts.. Something roughly came 2 mind I think, but what if the visitors who know me are coming? Embarassing lar if I duno what I'm saying and looked awkward.. aiya dun care lar.. try my best..
So ya, started off on a happy and joyful tone.. and later asked everybody 2 introduce themselves by sharing their name, course / work, a good and bad characteristic bout themselves, or actions which they have done..
Later, shared the following:
Romans 5:1-5Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us,
"Just now I asked you guys 2 share bout good and bad things bout urself. If u had noticed, most ppl shared their bad thing first b4 the good things. In a job interview for example, if the interviewer asked 4 our strengths and weaknesses, we find it easier 2 list our weaknesses, than finding 4 1 strength. Most of the time, the reason for this is probably due 2 the lack of confidence in ourselves.(eg Why cheat in exams? Coz afraid of failing. Why get angry and scold people? Coz stressed, a lot of work 2 do..)
However, speaking bout confidence, take for example, if we are representing our country in the Olympics 100 metres, competing against the best (eg Tyson Gay, Asafa Powell etc), most people will probably be thinking 'Aiya, since u r goin 2 lose anyway, wasting time only lar..' But r we able 2 see beyond that finishing line - to have faith in what we can do and say, 'I am here 4 a reason, after all the hard work I have put in, I'm just going 2 give it my all and hope 4 a miracle from the God of endless possibilities (who is able to do more than we can even think or imagine) that even something good can come out of this.. Don’t care what people say bout me being useless, or even if I lose, at least I still did my best.’
For all u know, ur effort and actions might just somehow turn out 2 b a positive inspiration / encouragement 2 other people who will think 'Hey, there's something different about this guy that I really look up to in terms of his character. Despite his youth / inexperience / weakness, he has a strong self-belief and I want him 2 b my role model.' So just want 2 encourage everybody 2 continue 2 exercise faith in all things we do."
Yes.. that's probably something I need in large amounts too these days.. Most of the time, it's just so easy to see that huge mountain right in front of our eyes, without noticing who is behind that mountain..
Friday
Rural assignment handed up. I will be hoping 4 the best.
Got back my camera memory card from the person servicing the machine.
Checked my exam results. My second most unprepared exam ever, but this time I went back up 2 distinction (between 70-80 marks)! Ok lar.. maybe not much 2 brag about since its only 5% of the year and they removed some questions, but it’s still a form of encouragement
Saturday
Campus bookstore person emailed me; my green file has been found. YES!!!
Sunday
After 3 weeks of disappointment and anxieties, finally managed 2 interview one of the kids in church 4 my Human Life Span Development (ie psychology) project. And I was lucky – she turned out 2 b a chatty one – after 20 minutes I don’t know what else to ask already and got stuck, she prolonged the conversation 4 another 10 minutes! Haha..
Eventful week 2 reflect on.. I could have chosen 2 not challenge myself 4 Thursday, and things might have been different then. But yes, God has been great. Behaviour change project due tomorrow (Monday), SPC presentation on Tuesday. Bring it on!
Updates (19 September 2007):
Behaviour change project submitted dy..
SPC presentation was fun and we finished it in style!
Let's see what's left and their deadlines:
Rural reflective essay (1500 words) - 1 October 2007
Reflective essay on group work (1000 words) - 2 October 2007
Community Based Practice Presentation - 18 October 2007
CBP Health Promotion Project Report (3000 words) - 19 October 2007
Human Life Span Development Interviews and Essay - 19 October 2007
2 additional pieces of work (ie painting, volunteering, committee member experience - basically 2 show that u have a life outside medical school) - 19 October 2007
Final Year Exam on 12 November, combined year 1 + 2 paper on 14 November. not to 4get da OSCE (ie practical)
Guess what.. haven't started studying yet.. need 2 start somehow..
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