December 2012 - backdated post
Currently listening: Kari Jobe (Gateway Worship) - You are good
Good morning brothers and sisters. My name is Gary, I'm working as a doctor, currently leading U3 Monash LifeGroup. I would like to share with you my testimony on how I have been blessed after the recent Hope Malaysia National Convention (MNC).
I look forward to attending MNC each year, because I see it as 4 worthwhile days spent in God’s presence, away from work and stress, soaking in the praise and worship and being encouraged through testimonies and the word of God. This year was no different, and I came with an expectation of desperately wanting to hear from God, especially since I have been busy going through some struggles and challenges. One of them is the 2 months left before the end of my housemanship, and I have been struggling to make a decision what to do or where to go after that. Many colleagues have told me that I cannot remain in the hospital where I work, that without an underlying postgraduate qualification, you are almost guaranteed of being sent out to rural districts. Furthermore, I see the burden and many needs in my current ministry. There are members to disciple, and people to reach out to.
As the day approaches, more distractions threaten to prevent me from going to Ipoh. Firstly, despite my leave being approved, my consultant insisted that I cancel my trip and attend her briefing on the 1st day MNC. Furthermore, on the day of departure, I was involved in an unfortunate incident in the operating theatre. On top of that, I had to sit for an exam that same afternoon as part of my department’s assessment. I felt unprepared and difficult to focus after the traumatic incident earlier. Despite all these hurdles, I chose to trust God as I made the decision to depart for MNC, as I did not want to miss any part of it.
Throughout the 4 days, God ministered and spoke to me in different ways. As I spent time to pray during the journey there, he revealed to me of how He is bringing me through a process of character moulding and standing firm in spite of certain challenges. He reminded me of how the way I do carry out certain tasks at work or in ministry need to change. I felt richly blessed throughout the convention, with many lessons learnt. One was the importance of bringing unity among our LG members in order to see a common goal and move forward together, the other was on the need to work on certain aspects of my character, since ‘You preach what you know, but you produce who you are’.
I was also reminded of the importance of our life testimony, when I had the opportunity to spend some time sharing with students from another centre, who were reaching out to Cyberjaya University medical students. Initially I asked myself, “What more can I impart? Their LG is already quite established with more people than mine.” However, as I shared my experiences on how God led me through certain situations and decision-making, I could really see how they were greatly encouraged, some of them even texted my shepherd to say thank you.
On the last day, it suddenly dawned upon me during praise and worship when we sang ‘You are good’, deep inside I was having doubts whether I actually meant it when I proclaim that He is good. As we left the convention venue, there was still a sense of not being 100% fulfilled (ie I wanted more of the 4 days, it was as if I was leaving heaven), and many things still weigh on my mind. I searched for the root of the problem, and it stems from fear of failure - of me not being able to accomplish certain things (unresolved problems either at work, home or even in ministry). Many times I do feel like one of the speaker’s illustration of the parable of 5 loaves and 2 fish (either overwhelmed by focusing on the need, or feeling not up to the task when focusing on personal limitations). The next morning during devotion, God reminded me of the following scripture which spoke to me of His reassurance and promise of restoration as we seek and fix our eyes on Him, the author and perfector of our faith.
-Jeremiah 33:3-14 - ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’
As I return from MNC, God provided a form of encouragement. I received news that I passed my exam. To my surprise in 1 of the papers, I actually manage to score 90%. All glory to God, and give thanks to the wonderful work that He continues to do in my life. Although I am not sure what will happen in the end with regards to my career path after housemanship, I believe that God is faithful. He will continue to lead us through as we choose to honour and depend on Him each day of our lives. Thank you.
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