Surrender

"When there is much prayer, there is much power. When there is little prayer, there is little power, and when there is no prayer, there is no power." -Charles Spurgeon-

My cardiothoracic surgery rotation ended, and the final week set up an opportunity for me to prepare something for last week's Lifegroup Connect Sharing. Basically, I walked up to my professor's office to arrange the time for my case presentation, but it turned out that he was in a research meeting. Although I was told that I don't have to waste time attending it (since I don't understand much on their research projects), I decided to take his invitation and sat through with them (although I was feeling quite sleepy) - what have I got to lose? It's in my allocated timetable. I decided to check that I'm researching the right thing for the presentation, and to my dismay, I was told to change the topic coz it was not something related to my patient's condition. Where in the world to find time to re-do everything with journal references when the deadline is tomorrow morning?! That night I had a very terrible headache, could not do anything at all.. After a time of prayer, decided to get some rest instead. Woke up at 3am in the morning, and surprisingly somehow managed to string together a few articles in that 2 hours before I rush off to catch the bus. That morning, I think I was a bit overwhelmed when I saw my friends actually did a thorough research and meta-analysis / systematic reviews, and included almost all the patient's test results. When my turn came, I think I stumbled a bit here and there (mind you, my presentation was a simplified 'Aortic stenosis for dummies' sort of presentation with a few reviews and guidelines strung up together, but still looked convincing enough I suppose - I was looking at my professor's facial expression throughout the whole presentation), but I was truly thankful that he marked it off with a pretty good score and comment: "Very good presentation, shows good understanding of topic." (phew..)

Storm of the century
I have learnt to trust the weather forecast in Melbourne, no matter how hot and sunny the morning is, if the afternoon forecast is rainy, it WILL rain. Found out the hard way as my friend dropped me off at the library after lunch as the weather was a bit cloudy, and half an hour later - I was stuck in the library amidst the one of the worst hailstorms and which shattered windows and flooded downtown Melbourne. You have hailstones as big as tennis balls. Well, there goes plans to attend the Moomba festival - in fact it got cancelled as people fled for cover. Even the roof at Southern Cross train station collapsed.


sur-ren-der verb
1. to relinquish (something) to the possession or power of another
2. to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another
2 things:
a) I find Emergency medicine a struggle, notable from the simulations where I still have a lot to learn as I fumbled here and there..
b) Aged care rotation is not really a holiday / relaxed posting as some would put it. True, people do go home at 2pm, but for me, I am attached to a Malaysian registrar, and of course knowing where I come from, he pushes me to meet his high expectations lar.. and in that midst, scoldings form the routine for 2 consecutive days.

"I'm pushing you, since in the Malaysian education system, they don't teach you in the wards how to manage fluids / write case notes / order and chase test results, since you mentioned that interns do most of it and you end up as a passive observer. When you come out as houseman, you are just expected to know. So take the next 6 weeks to learn it well."
"I expect you to take a proactive and participative role, not just come for morning ward rounds and stand there acting like a ward clerk."
"Don't you know we are not suppose to write with blue pen due to medicolegal reasons?"
"Can you improve on your handwriting? It's hard to read!!!"
The resident often gets the afternoon off, so the registrar will be stuck with a lot of work at that time, he will be chasing tests and nurses will just come and dump a stack of file by his side for the patients' warfarin doses to be charted. In my previous urban hospital posting, I did not get the opportunity to do admissions because it is the job of the residents (the hospital sort of has a rather strict hierarchy system on the roles of different healthcare staff), so in my 1st admission, I realised that for rehabilitation patients, you need to trace their old notes and discharge summaries - that means going through patient case files as thick as Murtagh's General Practice. I think the 1st 2 times I presented, I wonder whether who will die 1st, me or the registrar (from the way he looks stressed at me, he might get a heart attack).
My consultant is leaving, so the registrar is doing bulk of my assessment.
I figured that instead of listing down examination findings, I might as well try using pictures to simplify my message. Problem was that I was a bad artist, and my diagram resulted in the registrar giving the horrified *swt* look and the nurses in the ward not knowing whether to laugh.. (Note: patient deidentified)
I assumed the 3 drug charts chucked to me by the registrar belongs to my patient, so I copied everything, only to realise that 1 of them belonged to another patient when he checked later. Dangerous, patient can die if given wrong drugs. Got scolded - "You know for the past few days you have been going home super late (6pm) because of such mistakes.. it is UNACCEPTABLE."

Seriously, I needed a break. But I appreciate what he was trying to do in preparing me for housemanship in Malaysia. I just need to let go, to take the plunge although I might not see where it leads to for now.

Great Ocean Road trip
Uploaded some photos on Facebook - check it out :p


Prepare for rain
You've watched it so many times, read about it even more - but what does it mean to prepare your field for God to send the rain? What is your field by the way?

Currently listening: Laura Story - There is nothing

Verse 1
Lord I come before you to honor and adore You,
For who You are and all that You have done,
But Lord I am not worthy, my heart is dark and dirty,
Still somehow You bid for me to come.

Bridge
So clothe me humility,
Remind me that I come before a king.

Chorus
There is nothing, there is nothing,
More precious, more worthy,
May I gaze deeper, may I stay longer,
May I press onward to know You Lord.

Verse 2
May our time be sweeter, may I be a keeper,
Of the promises I make to You in song,
And Lord may I remember these moments of surrender,
And live my life this way from this day on.

Bridge and Chorus x2