Not by might

Currently listening: Paradise - How could I live without You

"Let's not pray for problems to disappear, for there will always be problems, but we pray for the strength and perseverance to go through it."

That was what Ethan and I agreed, whatever posting I get after Surgery - and it turned out to be O&G.

Sister Christine's testimony during Sunday service served as a big encouragement, of how the BM church started within a church consisting of mainly Chinese-speaking congregation members, when somebody captured God's heartbeat, and was willing to take that step forward to respond by moving to JB to see such a group of people coming to know God's vision. No doubt it was tough despite the early enthusiasm, and there came a point of wanting to give up, but the reminder was always to hold on to God's calling and promises, why He had brought you here for in the 1st place.

Past 2 weekends have been busy, on call for surgery and tagging O&G. Nevertheless, managed to squeeze out some lunchbreak time for Monash prayer. During today's praise and worship, the above-mentioned song really spoke to my heart deeply, coz I was asking God, "If I'm going to work everyday from early morning to late at night, what can I do? Don't even have enough time to sleep, what more do ministry or see something happen?" And the verse which came to mind was 2 Chronicles 7:14 - If my people would humble themselves, seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I WILL hear from heaven, forgive their sins and heal their land. I can intercede, and the past 2 weeks I was gifted the opportunity and some time to do so over lunch. His word says, "Ask of me, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance (Psalms 2:8)" Today, it is not by might nor by power, it is not so much about how much I can do, coz apart from Him we can do nothing. Continue to proclaim, continue to plant and water the seed, whatever happens, leave it unto His hands.

You are for me - Part 2

Currently listening: Kari Jobe - You are for me
(http://youtu.be/UbSMfL5LuSo)

Sunday 8 May was supposed to be a day of celebration (Mother's day), but instead it turned out into a nightmare when I wrote about how 3 patients collapsed and 2 died, and everybody ended up going home super exhausted at 3pm, with morning rounds not done.

Next day Monday during neurosurgical on call, one patient required active resuscitation, early in the morning. Patient died.

Tuesday - worked until 7pm, after 2 months of not putting in central venous catheter, needed some help from my MO to eventually get it in (enduring some criticism from a few colleagues along the way).

Wednesday and Thursday - got scolded a lot while assisting in OT. At times did feel extremely dumb and down..

The Monday after in the ward, was busy resuscitating a haemodynamically unstable patient with peritonitis, when patient beside her stopped breathing. Did CPR halfway only to be informed she is not for active resuscitation. However, in the busyness and confusion, mistakenly broke bad news to the patient's daughter over the phone that her mum has passed away. The result? She cried hysterically, screamed at me over the phone and hung up. Me? Left with the thought of her possibly filing a lawsuit against the hospital, and unfinished work to do (despite it already being lunchtime). Anyway, she came the next day to look for me (the HOs ran away, and the nurses lied to her that I was not around). Anyway when she saw me, I got nothing to hide, I explained my predicament and apologised. From her questions, I think she just wanted some closure over the matter. Hopefully the lady with her wasn't a lawyer, coz it's their word against mine alone.

1 Kings 19 talks about how Elijah experienced great discouragement after a death threat was issued for him by Jezebel. In his many complaints, God provided for his needs (physically in the form of food, and emotional support), and reminded him that there are still people around to do His work (Elijah was in despair because he thought there was nobody left). Was glad how He reminded me during LG of learning to see beyond the problems and issues, coz I have been complaining about the workload and the fact that one part of my insecure mindset couldn't stand feeling stupid. All this while without me realising, God has been working in a subtle way. Yes, it might be a lot of chaos, but on the other hand, I was able to complete a significant portion of my logbook in terms of clinical procedures. He is in control, His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and I came to a new understanding as to what it meant by 'Your grace is sufficient for me'.

I was quite concerned about how to get my forms signed off when my supervisor is not around and I was super busy when he decides to show up, but I did manage to get it done on the last day itself. I passed my assessment and bid farewell to surgery (for now).

You are for me - Part 1

Currently listening: City Harvest - Out of my hands

"I'm happy with your basic knowledge, but not with your initiative in terms of your logbook."

What my supervisor said after my assessment, left me wondering where am I going to get certain procedures done, especially since we don't see much of certain cases. Was also feeling rather tired and discouraged with the way things are going.

We had our church family day on the day after Labour Day. I was post-neurosurgical on call and came straight after work, so I did not expect to play a major part in the activities apart from being on 1st aid duty, but somehow leaders asked me to join in, which I did.

There were 4 teams, and I was in Green team, same as 2 years ago. It was an exciting time from the word go, with plenty of action and drama from the 1st game. Nevertheless, despite taking the lead, we finished last. By the time we reached the final game, we were in 2nd last place, and I was left telling myself,"Same old story as the last time around, nothing to cheer about, even our members seem the more quiet type, not possessing the fiery war cry of Red team, or the fighting spirit of Yellow team." So it came as no surprise that when I was asked to participate in the final game - tug of war, I was not enthusiastic at all (the last time I played, I had a bad experience of vomiting as a result of overexertion). Surprisingly, we won and managed to enter the finals.

When we were up against Blue team, I took a look and I was like, "What the..?" Their team possessed 2 'tanks / bulldozers' (whatever you call them), pastor, as well as experienced vegetables farmers from family group who are used to working the soil. I turned around to have a look.. whom do we have? Anyway, our team captain challenged us to pull in unison at a certain angle and face upwards. When the time came, I told myself that regardless of what happens, I just do not want to let go of the rope, I do not want to give up. I didn't know how everybody was doing, but I knew I was pulling like a madman. After no movement towards either side for some time, eventually somehow breakthrough came to our side. We won the 1st round, and for the 2nd round everybody gave their all, even though some of us felt that we had nothing left.

When the dust settled, I collapsed to the ground. We have won 1st place. As much several people came up to me with compliments about how well we did, how much of a difference it would make if I could transform that passionate display of strength into soul-winning etc, I was left with tears welling up in my eyes. Just felt like God was trying to encourage me on that day never to give up, keep pushing, but at the same time also to lay down. At the end of the day, no matter what happens, do what is humanly possible, leave the results to Him. He is the one who will carry you through, like the single pair of footprints in the sand.

SRCC - Sneak peak 2