You are for me - Part 2

Currently listening: Kari Jobe - You are for me
(http://youtu.be/UbSMfL5LuSo)

Sunday 8 May was supposed to be a day of celebration (Mother's day), but instead it turned out into a nightmare when I wrote about how 3 patients collapsed and 2 died, and everybody ended up going home super exhausted at 3pm, with morning rounds not done.

Next day Monday during neurosurgical on call, one patient required active resuscitation, early in the morning. Patient died.

Tuesday - worked until 7pm, after 2 months of not putting in central venous catheter, needed some help from my MO to eventually get it in (enduring some criticism from a few colleagues along the way).

Wednesday and Thursday - got scolded a lot while assisting in OT. At times did feel extremely dumb and down..

The Monday after in the ward, was busy resuscitating a haemodynamically unstable patient with peritonitis, when patient beside her stopped breathing. Did CPR halfway only to be informed she is not for active resuscitation. However, in the busyness and confusion, mistakenly broke bad news to the patient's daughter over the phone that her mum has passed away. The result? She cried hysterically, screamed at me over the phone and hung up. Me? Left with the thought of her possibly filing a lawsuit against the hospital, and unfinished work to do (despite it already being lunchtime). Anyway, she came the next day to look for me (the HOs ran away, and the nurses lied to her that I was not around). Anyway when she saw me, I got nothing to hide, I explained my predicament and apologised. From her questions, I think she just wanted some closure over the matter. Hopefully the lady with her wasn't a lawyer, coz it's their word against mine alone.

1 Kings 19 talks about how Elijah experienced great discouragement after a death threat was issued for him by Jezebel. In his many complaints, God provided for his needs (physically in the form of food, and emotional support), and reminded him that there are still people around to do His work (Elijah was in despair because he thought there was nobody left). Was glad how He reminded me during LG of learning to see beyond the problems and issues, coz I have been complaining about the workload and the fact that one part of my insecure mindset couldn't stand feeling stupid. All this while without me realising, God has been working in a subtle way. Yes, it might be a lot of chaos, but on the other hand, I was able to complete a significant portion of my logbook in terms of clinical procedures. He is in control, His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and I came to a new understanding as to what it meant by 'Your grace is sufficient for me'.

I was quite concerned about how to get my forms signed off when my supervisor is not around and I was super busy when he decides to show up, but I did manage to get it done on the last day itself. I passed my assessment and bid farewell to surgery (for now).