Be careful what you ask for Before I went to sleep on Sunday night, I asked, "God, can give me more motivation and make me more hardworking ar? Coz I felt as if I am being lazy and have not been doing much work.. The next day, a new consultant turned up in the ward and start bombarding me with quizzes and questions on basic and clinical sciences. Some I know the answer to (and managed to dodge), others I need to look up. And he did that for ALMOST every patient - My goodness, that was the LONGEST ward round in a while..
Prayer development ministry Thankful that I went. Know your identity and in whom you find your security.
Oceania Convention 2010 Gold Coast in 2 days time. Heart preparation required. It's a bitter pill to swallow.. ..when you realise that you won battles but not the war.. when something you thought had gone well in the past did not turn out as expected when you reviewed it a second time around. Felt like one of the pillars of strength which you have built on all this while, suddenly being reduced to dust. Nevertheless, there were several reasons for me to feel upset, but delving deeper to the root of the problem, it took a song on the train ride home to serve a gentle reminder - (the lyrics speak for themselves) and also to give thanks in all circumstances.
Currently listening: Laura Story - Bless the Lord
Verse 1 You give and take away for my good For who am I to say what I need For You alone see the hidden parts of me That need to be stripped away Verse 2 And as You begin to refine I'm learning to let go and rely On One who walks with me As hard as it may be You're teaching me all the while to say
Chorus Bless the Lord, O my soul All that's in me bless Your name Forget not Your power untold Not Your glory or Your fame For You came to heal the broken To redeem and make me whole Bless the Lord, O my soul
Bridge Though my faith may falter and my strength may fail I pray for eyes to see The richness of Your mercy shown to me Bless the Lord, bless the Lord
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Currently listening: Michael W Smith (featuring the African Children's Choir) - A New Hallelujah
Currently listening: Reuben Morgan - With All I Am
Decisions can be hard at times; so do we actually mean it when we sing, "Though none go with me, I still will follow (x3), no turning back, no turning back."
Belated Connect sharing
Monday - Delirium workshop at Peninsula campus Wednesday - SIM centre, final day
This week, I only had the chance to be in the aged care rehabilitation ward on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday - and I was feeling quite tired after long days for SIM centre in the city. Anyway, what happened was that I tried to be more proactive in terms of taking initiative, so I will be the one who arrives in the ward early in the morning before the doctors' rounds to help get things done. For this, I think I found favour with the resident and registrar (who although still scolds me, actually teaches and guides me through stuff in front of the computer). Not sure if the other student paired with me is happy about it though, doesn't look like it, with sarcastic remarks about me needing hearing aids when I found it difficult to catch her accent (by the way, she comes late for ward rounds and goes home during lunch).
Although our consultant supervisor will be leaving this week, he indicated to me that he will discuss with my registrar before filling up our assessment form for the rotation later when he is free. Nevertheless, my partner cleverly sneaked to the office to grab both our assessment forms and arranged with the consultant to get them out the way on Friday. I suspect she plans not to show up in the wards for the next 3 weeks with her assessment form out of the way. That essentially means while she has completed her 2 modules, I have 4 modules to cram overnight on Thursday before the assessment (including the additional health systems module that Malaysian students have to do). As I was typing out my thorough patient history and results according to the study guide, one thing which I don't really need is for people to tell me that I am wasting time by doing it as a long case (all she had was just a copied summary of the patient notes for brief discussions with the consultant). I supposed it frustrated me that I just felt like grumbling and complaining, "God, its NOT FAIR. She gets more time to read up and prepare, and she gets away with such things."
But I got reminded of Colossians 3:23-24 - 'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.' Who are we living for? Today, as we go into our workplace / universities, our boss is not the employer who pays our salary, or the institution which offers us scholarships, or your supervisor whom you are worried what marks he will give you - our boss is J.E.S.U.S. We do not do things for the sake of pleasing man / our personal benefits. People may cheat their way and take advantage when their boss is not around (or call you stupid in the process for not being like them), but it's ok. Sooner or later, people will notice the difference, and like Matthew 5:16 puts it - 'In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.' To cut the long story short, as I upheld it unto God's hand whatever the outcome (nothing more I could do), I managed to complete all my modules for Friday, and scored pretty high marks from my consultant too :-) My registrar took me out for coffee, and somehow was able to unexpectedly see how God opened a way for us to start informally chatting about Youth group (music and singing, church etc).
耶和華你是我的神，我要時時稱頌你的名， (Oh God, You are my God. I will always praise Your holy name.) 你是我的盾牌，是我的榮耀，又是叫我抬起頭的神。 (You alone are my shield, my glory. Lord, You are the lifter of my head.) 縱然仇敵圍繞攻擊我，在你懷中必不怕遭害。 (When my foes surround me in the night. In Your arms I will not be afraid.) 你是我的神，我所倚靠的，你同在使我完全得勝。 (I will trust in You, for You are my God. In Your presence there is victory.)
A preacher once said, "Let me ask you guys a question. What will you do if one day you are walking down a street, and you come across a nice wallet which somebody dropped. Upon opening it, you found that it contains quite a large sum of money in it?"
So I was thinking to myself, "Well, it's simple enough isn't it? Sounds like 1 of those questions to assess judgement in psychiatric patients :p If you can't contact the owner, just hand it up to lost and found.."
"The answer is; you won't know..until you are in that situation."
Verse 1 When I think of sunlight piercing through the clouds to paint the perfect sky I think of the silver lining of Your love, and I think of You
Verse 2 When I think of streams that weave through desert lands as beauty comes alive I think of the healing fountain of Your grace in my life, in my life Chorus And I think of You who shines with endless light through broken jars of clay And I think of You redeeming every part of each day that You've made And I think of You
Verse 3 When I think of children laughing full of wonder and families reconciled I think of the joy that's found in answered prayer, and it makes me smile Makes me smile! Bridge For redemption's now the story of my soul 'Cause it was You who paid the highest price for broken jars of clay And you still choose to use my life for Your glory displayed
This week was better (thanks guys for the prayers) - tired from various site visits. 1 of which was Meals on Wheels, where we drove from door to door delivering food to elderly people in the community who have trouble with meal preparation. Took photo with the staff and team leader - actually quite 'paiseh', but what to do, I did a half-day's work for the MONASH CITY COUNCIL :p so might as well.. Got a few modules done and my ward registrar sent me home early (12.30pm - never been let off so early before :p lolz)
This week has been a week of countless reminders: - to focus on His strength, instead of my failures - to love unconditionally and not sledgehammer people ("If we judge, we have no time to love people." - Mother Teresa) - that He desires obedience, not sacrifice
A few reminders from my shepherd and a fellow friend on what am I to do here with whatever time left, whether am I actually trying too hard from the way things are going.. and it brings reminder of something from Dr Alex's site last year..
A legend has it that there was a temple built on an island and it held a thousand bells. Bells, big and small, fashioned by the finest craftsman in the world. When the wind blew or a storm raged, all the bells would peal out in a symphony that would send the heart of the hearer into raptures. But over the centuries, the island sank into the sea and, with it, the temple bells. It is said that the bells continued to peel out, ceaselessly, and could be heard by anyone who would listened. Inspired by this legend, a young man traveled thousands of miles, determined to hear those bells. He sat for days on the shore, facing the vanished island, and listened with all his might. But all he could hear was the sound of the sea. He made every effort to block it out. But to no avail; the sound of the sea seemed to flood the world. He kept at his tasks for weeks. Each time he got disheartened he would listen to the village elders who spoke with passion of the mysterious legend. Then his heart will be aflame…only to be discouraged again when weeks of further effort yielded no results.
Finally he decided to give up the attempt. Perhaps he was not destined to hear the bells. Perhaps the legend was not true. It was his final day, and he went to the shore to say goodbye to the sea and the sky and the wind and the coconut trees. He lay on the sand, and for the first time listened to the sound of the sea. Soon he was so lost in the sound that he was barely conscious of himself, so deep was the silence the sound produced.
In the depth of that silence, he heard it! The twinkle of a tiny bell followed by another, and another, and another…and soon every one of the thousand temple bells was peeling out in harmony, and his heart was rapt in joyous ecstasy.
Went to Mount Dandenong for jogging with a few friends, and we hiked up this trail called the '1000 steps' in Kokoda track, which was a World War 2 memorial.. Man, from my fitness levels, almost felt like can die leh (damn tiring).. but we all made it to the top, some slower than the others.. but like what John Maxwell shared, "The journey with others is slower than the journey alone." So do we only want to go fast? Or go far? I do admit that patience is a virtue which I am still learning, and many times I cling on to what I want to see come to past in my own terms. Help me to learn it well, and to see that just as in the past, You are never late.
"When there is much prayer, there is much power. When there is little prayer, there is little power, and when there is no prayer, there is no power." -Charles Spurgeon-
My cardiothoracic surgery rotation ended, and the final week set up an opportunity for me to prepare something for last week's Lifegroup Connect Sharing. Basically, I walked up to my professor's office to arrange the time for my case presentation, but it turned out that he was in a research meeting. Although I was told that I don't have to waste time attending it (since I don't understand much on their research projects), I decided to take his invitation and sat through with them (although I was feeling quite sleepy) - what have I got to lose? It's in my allocated timetable. I decided to check that I'm researching the right thing for the presentation, and to my dismay, I was told to change the topic coz it was not something related to my patient's condition. Where in the world to find time to re-do everything with journal references when the deadline is tomorrow morning?! That night I had a very terrible headache, could not do anything at all.. After a time of prayer, decided to get some rest instead. Woke up at 3am in the morning, and surprisingly somehow managed to string together a few articles in that 2 hours before I rush off to catch the bus. That morning, I think I was a bit overwhelmed when I saw my friends actually did a thorough research and meta-analysis / systematic reviews, and included almost all the patient's test results. When my turn came, I think I stumbled a bit here and there (mind you, my presentation was a simplified 'Aortic stenosis for dummies' sort of presentation with a few reviews and guidelines strung up together, but still looked convincing enough I suppose - I was looking at my professor's facial expression throughout the whole presentation), but I was truly thankful that he marked it off with a pretty good score and comment: "Very good presentation, shows good understanding of topic." (phew..)
Storm of the century I have learnt to trust the weather forecast in Melbourne, no matter how hot and sunny the morning is, if the afternoon forecast is rainy, it WILL rain. Found out the hard way as my friend dropped me off at the library after lunch as the weather was a bit cloudy, and half an hour later - I was stuck in the library amidst the one of the worst hailstorms and which shattered windows and flooded downtown Melbourne. You have hailstones as big as tennis balls. Well, there goes plans to attend the Moomba festival - in fact it got cancelled as people fled for cover. Even the roof at Southern Cross train station collapsed. sur-ren-derverb 1. to relinquish (something) to the possession or power of another 2. to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another 2 things: a) I find Emergency medicine a struggle, notable from the simulations where I still have a lot to learn as I fumbled here and there.. b) Aged care rotation is not really a holiday / relaxed posting as some would put it. True, people do go home at 2pm, but for me, I am attached to a Malaysian registrar, and of course knowing where I come from, he pushes me to meet his high expectations lar.. and in that midst, scoldings form the routine for 2 consecutive days.
"I'm pushing you, since in the Malaysian education system, they don't teach you in the wards how to manage fluids / write case notes / order and chase test results, since you mentioned that interns do most of it and you end up as a passive observer. When you come out as houseman, you are just expected to know. So take the next 6 weeks to learn it well." "I expect you to take a proactive and participative role, not just come for morning ward rounds and stand there acting like a ward clerk." "Don't you know we are not suppose to write with blue pen due to medicolegal reasons?" "Can you improve on your handwriting? It's hard to read!!!" The resident often gets the afternoon off, so the registrar will be stuck with a lot of work at that time, he will be chasing tests and nurses will just come and dump a stack of file by his side for the patients' warfarin doses to be charted. In my previous urban hospital posting, I did not get the opportunity to do admissions because it is the job of the residents (the hospital sort of has a rather strict hierarchy system on the roles of different healthcare staff), so in my 1st admission, I realised that for rehabilitation patients, you need to trace their old notes and discharge summaries - that means going through patient case files as thick as Murtagh's General Practice. I think the 1st 2 times I presented, I wonder whether who will die 1st, me or the registrar (from the way he looks stressed at me, he might get a heart attack). My consultant is leaving, so the registrar is doing bulk of my assessment. I figured that instead of listing down examination findings, I might as well try using pictures to simplify my message. Problem was that I was a bad artist, and my diagram resulted in the registrar giving the horrified *swt* look and the nurses in the ward not knowing whether to laugh.. (Note: patient deidentified) I assumed the 3 drug charts chucked to me by the registrar belongs to my patient, so I copied everything, only to realise that 1 of them belonged to another patient when he checked later. Dangerous, patient can die if given wrong drugs. Got scolded - "You know for the past few days you have been going home super late (6pm) because of such mistakes.. it is UNACCEPTABLE."
Seriously, I needed a break. But I appreciate what he was trying to do in preparing me for housemanship in Malaysia. I just need to let go, to take the plunge although I might not see where it leads to for now.
Great Ocean Road trip Uploaded some photos on Facebook - check it out :p Prepare for rain You've watched it so many times, read about it even more - but what does it mean to prepare your field for God to send the rain? What is your field by the way?
Currently listening: Laura Story - There is nothing
Verse 1 Lord I come before you to honor and adore You, For who You are and all that You have done, But Lord I am not worthy, my heart is dark and dirty, Still somehow You bid for me to come.
Bridge So clothe me humility, Remind me that I come before a king.
Chorus There is nothing, there is nothing, More precious, more worthy, May I gaze deeper, may I stay longer, May I press onward to know You Lord. Verse 2 May our time be sweeter, may I be a keeper, Of the promises I make to You in song, And Lord may I remember these moments of surrender, And live my life this way from this day on.
