You'll never know that God is all you need,..

...until God is all you have.

Currently listening: New Life Worship (Ross Parsley and the Desperation Band) - Counting on God

After yesterday's Sunday service, I had a privilege to be in the car with W,one of the student LG leaders who sent me home. We were exchanging experiences on our job experiences, hers as an architect, mine as a doctor, and found not many differences - although I did share mine that for a hospital, it's a harsh working environment, no love, where you deal with staff and colleagues who are stressed up, and tend to be selfish - some even with attitude problems. Of course I do get scolded many times for various mistakes. And being call twice a week leaves you tired and no mood to do things at times. If you are not careful, instead of being agent of change within the working environment, it might end up the other way around.

But I did mention that it was in such times that you see God work wonders. Sometimes, as you go through certain things and you look back at how God pulled you through, and you share it with others, they will give you a weird look and wonder, "Is that even possible?"

W shared how she noticed many similarities of what I described with her days in UTM's architecture faculty - during that time, they are well-known as a bunch of students who are frequently very busy. If doctors on-call work 36 hours straight, they on the other hand could go up to 48 hours (with lights still on in their campus labs) during seasons for submitting assignments and projects. An outside person might wonder how God could work in such an environment, but W mentioned that she always reminded her sheep that they are the blessed ones - because it is in such times (when you feel like you are dying rushing your work, when you have nothing left to go on etc) that you experience God.

"People who have a comfortable life, stable job might make remarks on how God has blessed them, how His grace is sufficient for them etc., but many times all these end up as empty cliches which we used so frequently, that it has lost its meaning. When you are hard-pressed for a miracle and all the chips are against you, you won't just pray a simple prayer of a few lines asking God to bless you - you will cry out desperately, knowing that without Him, some outcomes just would not have been possible. Then you will realise that it is really His grace that is sufficient for you, what you say carries more weight and meaning."

She also shared practical experiences, how compared to those who are already working, owning a car as a public university student can be a challenge, when (not wanting to be a burden to your parents) you are paying for it with your scholarship and part-time job earnings. Sometimes, with only RM50 left in your bank account, you will be wondering whether to pump petrol or use the money to buy food. However, it is in such times when you see the need of owning the car as a student, to be a blessing in fetching people, you also experience His provision in ways you could never expect from the people using your car.

However, I guess the 1 thing which encouraged me the most was her testimony on her academics, how she made it her decision to God to lay down her studies, despite her results not being very good as compared to other students - and her decision not to compromise on various church commitments (despite whatever came her way - deadlines, fatigue etc). God blessed her with an award for being one of the best students in the faculty, but above all else, it left a mark within the student group - when you start to do this, other people start to look at their own lives and say "If an architecture student who is extremely busy can do such a thing, then there is no excuse for us from other faculties not being able to serve God wholeheartedly." She was the pioneer student from her faculty, and encouraged me to see that at the pioneering stage it is tough, but God has a wonderful plan and wants to pour out His blessing on such people. See it as a privilege, as the 1st doctor in Hope JB, as she was the 1st architecture student back then. Although it took her 2 years before she started bringing people to church /LG when she was already finishing her final year, today several of the leaders in student group come from this faculty.

"I have attended a seminar where there was this doctor from East Malaysia who shared her experiences. Due to the shortage of staff and heavy workload, she was greeted with many negativity when she started work. People were telling her that she would have to give up religion because she could not go to Sunday service anymore. But she refused to let all these bother her, in fact she woke up at 4am to go to the hospital so that she could finish her work by 6.30am or so before squeezing out time to go to church. The great lengths people are willing to go to serve God passionately. Today she is leading a group of Christian doctors in the hospital. See it in spite of your hardship and challenges that God is moulding and preparing you for greater things to come."

Thankful for that ride home..

In spite of overwhelming odds

Currently listening: Laura Story - Grace

Last week at Hope JB, we had a bible conference on A Priesthood Church, with pastor's passionate sharing on how each and every one of us are called to be a royal priesthood. As I was on call over the weekend, even when I turned up for the Sunday session, ended up sleeping on the couch due to over-exhaustion.

Then it was decided that I was to be the chairperson for that week's lifegroup (LG), which is slightly related to the theme. For someone who missed 80% of it, not sure of how I was even going to carry it out. On the day before the LG, it was a long day at work, followed by some unexpected circumstances which resulted in me returning home late after a meal with a fellow visitor. I got locked out of the hospital backgate as it was already after 10pm, so I took the long road which was poorly lit, and things did not turn out very well. Just before I left for home, I cut my toe when I knocked it against the leg of the mamak's table. Then, I tripped and stepped into a puddle of mud. I got home at midnight exhausted, whole body aching, and realising that I haven't really finished preparing for LG chairing tomorrow. What more, on the next day, I have an exam which I have not studied for.

In such a time, I emailed my shepherd. I mentioned that it's a funny feeling. On one hand you feel overwhelmed by many things, but on the other, there was that slight feeling of peace, as if God was trying to remind me that His grace is sufficient for me in spite of all the work and fatigue. His reply?

"As we continue to grow in Him and have more responsibility on our shoulder, we will naturally feel tired and overwhelmed. I believe this is the time where God wants to expand our capacity so that we will be able to do more for him in the future. In this process, there are many important lessons that we can learn to equip us to be an effective servant for Him. Keep it up bro, it's a time of moulding and transformation from God ! Breakthrough is just around the corner. As always, would like to encourage you with this verse (which also encourages me a lot :)

Phillipians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God which transcend all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Jia you bro. God grace is always sufficient. Let's do it together."

At the same time, I realised that I was feeling stressed coz it was my 2nd time chairing LG, and I was nervously holding on to some expectations on how I wanted things to work out. I had to let go and surrender the outcome to Him after doing my best, as it's not about me. As I did so, the LG turned out much better than expected. Surprisingly, what I had prepared hastily flowed well in line with the praise and worship that night, and many people's lives were touched as God moved powerfully that night. As I shared during the testimony session, God's grace is sufficient for us.

Testimony sharing during Sunday service

Currently listening: Don Harris - For You alone (sung at CHC)

Good morning brothers and sisters. My name is Gary, and I graduated from Monash University, currently working as a doctor in Hospital Sultanah Aminah, Johor Bahru. I am currently joining the U3A student lifegroup. Today I would like to share with you my testimony on how I experienced God in my decision making process, and the precious lessons He taught me along the way.

First let me introduce a little bit of background of how I first came to know Hope JB. I came to know God while I was in my 1st year of my studies in Hope Melbourne, Australia, and have been joining Hope family of churches ever since. When I 1st came to Hope JB, it turned out to be a challenge for me. Why? The travelling distance was quite far from where I live, and I would end up taking public transport when nobody was coming along with me. In addition, I struggled a lot because I hardly knew how to converse in Mandarin.

Nevertheless, I overcame those struggles, and in my 3rd year God taught me a valuable principle, which has become the mainstay of what I do – Choose to honour God, and He will honour you. That is why I never compromised, be it in taking shortcuts in my academics or missing church activities, no matter how busy or tired I was. I saw how God blessed me in many areas as I made the decision to do so.

When I entered my final year, I was challenged to take that principle to another level. On one hand, I desire to see a lifegroup of strong and biblical medical students and doctors rise up and commit their lives to make a difference on campus and within the hospital. However, deep inside my heart, I also have my own dream, to become a successful specialist. When I went to Melbourne in my 1st year, I literally fell in love with the place, the working environment and pay in Australia was definitely better. It was very tempting, what more since I managed to get 2 provisional offers from Australia thanks to references from 2 prominent professors in my final year. But as I spent some time praying to seek God, and after consultation with leaders, I came to the conclusion that apart from my own personal reasons and preferences, I have no concrete reason to work there in terms of God’s plan.

At the same time, I faced challenges from my family, who were understandably upset and objected strongly to my decision to turn down my Australian offer as well as the option of working in their hometown. It was a very difficult situation for me, as I did not know what to do, apart from spending time praying. I was bothered with many doubts and questioned myself whether am I doing the right thing, since 3 years of putting in effort and I have yet to see much fruits from my ongoing labour. At one point I told God, if I am just wasting time down here, why bother? I might as well pack my bags and go pursue my own interests. I also have people telling me all sort of things out of good intention. One would say, “Don’t stay to see the seed grow, because sometimes you are one sowing it, only God can make it grow.”, whereas another would comment, “Don’t you have other churches in Australia / Malaysia to serve in? Why must it be Hope JB?” Nevertheless, this church is committed to fulfilling the great commission, and I told Him, “I may not fully understand your vision yet, but I want to stay back to learn, to be equipped and experience you more, as I have seen how lives can be changed as we offer ourselves to your plans and purposes.”

One day, I received an unexpected phone call from my dad, requesting for my personal particulars. I asked why. He wanted to pass it to his contact to see whether anything can be done about my hospital placement. Although I disagreed with the method, I appreciated it. From a situation where he was determined to prevent me from getting JB at all costs, God turned the situation around, where he was now going all out to help ensure I would get JB. I was moved to tears, and literally did not know how to respond. So did my shepherd, Ethan, when I shared this with him, he also did not know what to say apart from “God actually loves you very much”. In this process, I experienced how my parents still loved me and were willing to respect my decision, despite various disagreements.

My top 3 hospitals were all in Johor, 2 in JB, 1 in Batu Pahat. To some, this may be seen as risky gamble, putting all your choices in a single state, rather than varying it to stand a better chance of success. Furthermore, I did not know what to put as my reason for those 3 hospitals. Eventually I decided to do something crazy, by mentioning, “Commitment to my local church” as the reason.

God is good. I was offered Hospital Sultan Ismail as my placement (my 2nd choice). I was quite happy, it was a fully air-conditioned and computerized hospital, workload is more manageable and you get to do more stuff, but there is 1 problem: I don’t know any doctors / students there who have yet to come in – what am I about to do in terms of ministry?

At this time, my shepherd challenged me again, since it will not affect your initial outcome, why not you submit an appeal and ask for HSA? I was a bit reluctant to relinquish my offer, because I felt that I would be giving up something good for a worse working environment. However, I chose to believe that as we put God’s interests 1st, He will definitely look after our interests. Since I have limited time to appeal, I was at a loss again how to justify my reasons. Having ran out of ideas, I decided to submit another crazy yet not-so-concrete reason: Housing and transport convenience, and once again, church commitment. I was not holding any high hopes, since if you get your top 3 options, they are unlikely to entertain you. However, on the last day, God miraculously opened up a way, as they announced that my appeal was successful.

At the same time,I received encouraging news on my sheep who is currently in Hope Melbourne on final year exchange, where his humility to serve and help out in the student ministry, despite not having any title attached to him touched the hearts of several people. Having gotten a half-day off hospital work, he chose to take initiative and use the time to help out in campus ministry duties. It is indeed good news to hear how he is currently becoming a blessing to others, as he responded during altar call to have more passion in serving God despite his present struggles.

In conclusion, it has not been an easy process along the way, but I believe that I have been continuously reminded that as we make the best decision for God, He will for surely honour that decision. I might be very busy and stuck with various challenges at the moment, but I want to believe and be excited that where God has put me, He has His wonderful plan and purpose. All glory and honour to Him.

Psalm 126:5-6 - Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

*Note: some parts have been modified for completeness

Mooncake LG

Mid-autumn festival is often celebrated among the Chinese as a time of family and friends reunion (as with Chinese New Year), where people will gather together to enjoy mooncakes and pomelo under the moon accompanied by lantern riddles, carry or light floating lanterns etc.

In short, there are 2 main school of thoughts of the story behind the festival. The 1st was the popular legend of Chang Er, how she being the wife of Houyi (an archer who shot down 9 out of 10 suns), consumed the pill of immortality given to her husband by the emperor. Some said that she did it the wrong way out of curiosity, whereas another version claimed that she took it to protect the people from her husband's tyranny, and ended up flying to the moon.

The 2nd, which was loosely based on historical events, proposed that rebels in China spread messages hidden in mooncakes for the people to overthrow the Mongol empire on a set date in conjunction with the festival, eventually establishing the Ming dynasty. Therefore, mooncake festival tends to be associated among Chinese with the issue of freedom.

Today as Christians when we talk about experiencing the true freedom in Christ, would like to give special thanks to Bel for sharing her testimony of her experience during her early years as a student, how God set her free from the bondage of her previous mindset:

"Hi, I’m Belinda and currently I’m pursuing my Masters (Biotechnology) in UTM. I give thanks to God for giving me the opportunity to share how God set me free from a stressful life studying during my undergraduate years, which eventually changed my life as well.

When I first came to UTM, I set a very clear goal to achieve a minimum cGPA of 3.5 and above in my subjects every semester, which I worked really hard for. Most of the time I will spend my time studying and making notes in my hostel room, regardless of whether it’s exam time or not. Regardless even if it’s just a minor class quiz, I will burn the midnight oil because to me, every mark scored matters. After my first semester, I was totally shocked as my result was the worst that I achieved throughout my undergraduate years, thanks to the Chemistry subject with a failure rate of 70%.

I started off my second semester working doubly hard to strive for better results. This semester was a bit different whereby sometimes during my own study time at night, a sister would come over and visit me frequently. She’s a fellow senior pursuing her Masters in research at that particular time. She introduced herself to me that she came from Hope Church. Usually she will share with me the word of God and before leaving, invite me to join their care group. I came from a Methodist background back in my hometown, and I don’t even know what in the world a care group is. I know that every Christian should go to church every week, so I joined my roommate to attend a Catholic Church every Saturday since I did not manage to find a Methodist church. To me, I have fulfilled my responsibility as a Christian by being a Sunday attendee. Hence, the invitation or sharing each time by this sister did not appeal to me at all because I did not see the reason why I need to join a care group or spend time knowing more about God. Mostly I will just ignore her presence and continue on with my studies. I couldn’t afford to waste even a small portion of my time. Time passed and as I received my 2nd semester results, I was expecting an improved result with the double effort that I’ve put in. However, things did not come out as I’ve expected. Once again, I failed to achieve the result that I wanted.

Despite the second failure, I told myself not to give up easily. I readjusted my study time and methods. Rather than study alone, I tried studying in groups. I went through all sorts of adjustments just to make sure I’m going to achieve what I intended. Slowly, I discovered that I’ve been living a stressful study life. I didn’t enjoy or find my life as a university student fulfilling. At times, I just wish I could do something else apart from staring at my books, but I couldn’t because it was like a form of bondage stuck to me. Again, I failed to attain the much coveted Dean’s list. This time I couldn’t take it anymore. I started to realize that something must be missing.

For once, I started to make a prayer to God which I never did throughout my life in UTM. I asked for His help and expressed my desire to know more about Him. I made a decision to look for a new church. In the same week after that prayer, while I was in a computer lab, I met up with my senior (one from a different course but same hometown). Unexpectedly, the 1st question of all things that came to our conversation was “Do you still attend church?” I was shocked for a moment as it is not your usual way of exchanging greetings. I replied to her that I am currently searching for a church. She invited me to join the church she attends, that is Hope church. At that moment, it finally struck me that God had being trying to bring me near to Him all this while, but I had been so ignorant and stubborn.

I started attending the Sunday Service and few months later, I joined the care group as well. This also meant that my time to study became significantly less. Nevertheless, I found much joy and inner peace within me, as some of the sisters’ testimonies during care group about how God helped them in their studies really encouraged me. Furthermore, I also received prayer support from my newfound family in Christ. I still remembered at times when I struggled to come for the care group due to busy assignments and tests, they always encouraged me, “When you choose to honor God, He will honor you back.” I choose to believe with a simple heart and never missed the care group throughout that semester. I continued studying as before, but now after I know more about God, I came to discover prayer as a powerful weapon that helped me through. Every time when I come back from the care group, I felt so close to God. My 3rd semester went past just like previous semesters, but no longer was I bound by my boring yet stressful time of study. It was a season where I was being set free in Christ! Hence, I learn to uphold my result unto God’s hand for I know He cares for me. God is good! My 3rd semester results turned out to be the best compared to the previous 2 semesters. Not only that, I managed to be included in the Dean’s list as well!

Deuteronomy 28:13 mentioned that “The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, NEVER at the bottom.“

Belinda Tiong
U3B"

More decisions..

Currently listening: 赞美之泉 - 认定你 (Stream of Praise - I will trust in You)

Basically I have just under 2 weeks left before the end of my tenancy at my current apartment unit, and with my housemate moving out, will have to decide whether to continue my present tenancy (either I find somebody to take up the other room, or end up paying RM1500 instead of RM900 currently). In addition, with the 3 September deadline looming, have to decide whether to re-examine the option of postponing my graduation and take up a BMedSc research degree in order to remain as a student (last year, financial support was an issue, and this year, I haven't even approached anybody about available projects, what more the money required for the fees, as I will be enrolled as an Australian student).

In view of these major decisions, my shepherd challenged me to (in addition to the NECF 40-day fast and pray) fast for a full 48 hours (no food, only drink plain water) and spend some time seeking God. Initially found it to be a struggle, since I need to be involved with presentations and assessments at the hospital, and on 1 of the days I was not feeling well.

Nevertheless, it was 2 days of breakthrough. For the 1st day, as mentioned in the previous post, God reminded me from a previous sermon by brother Elijah that joy is not a feeling (like happiness), to be joyful is a decision, whether or not things are going according to our plans - as long as we give our best.

For the 2nd day, God reminded me of the theme of trusting Him. Many times we have our own ideas or plans which we intend to carry out (sometimes we say it's for God), or even things we like and hold on to, but it is human nature to do things relying on our own understanding, or to end up being self-centred. However, today we know that God sees the bigger picture, his ways and thoughts are higher than ours. For example, would Mary have ever imagined of herself being chosen to give birth to Jesus? Or Paul, who ended up travelling across Asia and Europe preaching to the Gentiles? Because God loves us, He knows what is best for us.

Since I was in charge of games, was actually wondering how to come up with one which fits the theme. It was a pleasant surprise that after much thinking, the idea came instantly during lunch prayer, and that night's lifegroup flow from the introduction, to the games, to the praise and worship all fell into place and set up nicely for the message later by God's grace.

Today I received a text message from the accommodation office saying that the landlady rejected my request for a rental reduction. No doubt that the stress of the situation is there, but at the same time there exists an inner peace, one that compels me to praise Him, despite the current situation.

Finally, as I had my dinner after 48 hours last night, what I figured was impossible at 1st (I do find it difficult to resist food :p) was achieved by God's grace.

More little life blessings

One was an encounter with 1 of my fellow juniors at the clinical school, followed by receipt of an sms of thanks. Another was someone who felt touched and approached to me in church to thank me for encouraging him during church camp 2 months ago. Both reminded me of the importance of imparting the right principles and sharing what God places in your heart.

Was concerned with my dad when I found out about his cataract. No doubt it was mild, but his vision plays a very important role, especially as a pilot. Nevertheless, thank God and I was able to see how such an incident brought us a bit closer and enabled us both to chat longer with each other on the phone, since at times it can be difficult to find stuff to talk about between both of us..

I lost my 8GB pink Kingston USB on campus, and though its not so much the price of the pendrive, but it was an unpleasant experience due to the many important stuff it contains, and the current hassle of saving documents.. Nevertheless, God knows and provides for my needs, as during last weekend's dermatology seminar quiz, I won a prize, and it was a brand new pendrive sponsored by the drug company. Although it's only 2GB in storage capacity, it's enough for my current usage.

It's all about You

Currently listening: Reuben Morgan - With All I Am

Decisions can be hard at times; so do we actually mean it when we sing,
"Though none go with me, I still will follow (x3), no turning back, no turning back."

Belated Connect sharing

Monday - Delirium workshop at Peninsula campus
Wednesday - SIM centre, final day

This week, I only had the chance to be in the aged care rehabilitation ward on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday - and I was feeling quite tired after long days for SIM centre in the city. Anyway, what happened was that I tried to be more proactive in terms of taking initiative, so I will be the one who arrives in the ward early in the morning before the doctors' rounds to help get things done. For this, I think I found favour with the resident and registrar (who although still scolds me, actually teaches and guides me through stuff in front of the computer). Not sure if the other student paired with me is happy about it though, doesn't look like it, with sarcastic remarks about me needing hearing aids when I found it difficult to catch her accent (by the way, she comes late for ward rounds and goes home during lunch).

Although our consultant supervisor will be leaving this week, he indicated to me that he will discuss with my registrar before filling up our assessment form for the rotation later when he is free. Nevertheless, my partner cleverly sneaked to the office to grab both our assessment forms and arranged with the consultant to get them out the way on Friday. I suspect she plans not to show up in the wards for the next 3 weeks with her assessment form out of the way. That essentially means while she has completed her 2 modules, I have 4 modules to cram overnight on Thursday before the assessment (including the additional health systems module that Malaysian students have to do). As I was typing out my thorough patient history and results according to the study guide, one thing which I don't really need is for people to tell me that I am wasting time by doing it as a long case (all she had was just a copied summary of the patient notes for brief discussions with the consultant). I supposed it frustrated me that I just felt like grumbling and complaining, "God, its NOT FAIR. She gets more time to read up and prepare, and she gets away with such things."

But I got reminded of Colossians 3:23-24 - 'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.' Who are we living for? Today, as we go into our workplace / universities, our boss is not the employer who pays our salary, or the institution which offers us scholarships, or your supervisor whom you are worried what marks he will give you - our boss is J.E.S.U.S. We do not do things for the sake of pleasing man / our personal benefits. People may cheat their way and take advantage when their boss is not around (or call you stupid in the process for not being like them), but it's ok. Sooner or later, people will notice the difference, and like Matthew 5:16 puts it - 'In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.' To cut the long story short, as I upheld it unto God's hand whatever the outcome (nothing more I could do), I managed to complete all my modules for Friday, and scored pretty high marks from my consultant too :-) My registrar took me out for coffee, and somehow was able to unexpectedly see how God opened a way for us to start informally chatting about Youth group (music and singing, church etc).

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耶和华，你是我的神 (Jehovah, You are my God)
讚美之泉 (by: Stream of Praise)

耶和華你是我的神，我要時時稱頌你的名，
(Oh God, You are my God. I will always praise Your holy name.)
你是我的盾牌，是我的榮耀，又是叫我抬起頭的神。
(You alone are my shield, my glory. Lord, You are the lifter of my head.)
縱然仇敵圍繞攻擊我，在你懷中必不怕遭害。
(When my foes surround me in the night. In Your arms I will not be afraid.)
你是我的神，我所倚靠的，你同在使我完全得勝。
(I will trust in You, for You are my God. In Your presence there is victory.)

Metcall. Metcall. Unit: Cardiothoracics

Week 2 - Let's get the show on the road

1st day of the week was boring, so after ward rounds I decided to sneak into the department next door: Cardiology. I've never seen certain procedures being performed before, so when I saw the list in the ward of scheduled angiograms, implanted cardiac defibrillators and pacemakers.. I decided to pop in to their cardiac catheterisation lab for a look. The cardiologists are friendly and the nurse told me to put on a lead apron, a lead skirt and a thyroid guard (something like a mini pouch around your neck).. at the end of the angiogram, I walked out of the room feeling like wanna die man.. the lead suits are HEAVY and tedious to wear, like carrying a huge backpack.

Decided to come back in later that afternoon to observe a defibrillator being put in (like a pacemaker) - suited up since it's like an operative procedure. My goodness, the nurse (not the doctor) grilled me on the cardiac anatomy. Indeed I learnt something new - the right ventricular lead goes into the heart via the superior vena cava, so how does the left ventricular lead goes into the left side? Good question, since you can't really poke the pulmonary vein or aorta (high pressure).. apparently in the right heart, you find the entry into the coronary sinus and into the cardiac veins on the surface of the left heart. So my homework was to read up cardiac anatomy.. had to leave midway as the cardiology registrar was having trouble locating a good cardiac vein site.

I must admit that I did struggle as well during this rotation, as I was finding it hard to be organized with the amount of medical information to handle – not knowing how to juggle between reading up on the specialty I am in, and revising my basic sciences, even Year 3 students answered anatomy questions better than me in tutorials, and other Aussie Year 5 students know things and can relate with the doctors on stuff which I didn’t even know. I was also quite concerned about assessment modules which I have to write up, unsure whether I am doing enough to satisfy my supervisor’s expectations, or ‘under-doing’ it. Anyway, I did ask God for something good which I can share this week, since I was rostered to give testimony during Lifegroup.

2nd day of the week, I woke up and looked at my alarm clock. 6.30am already???!!!! Aiyoh, here we go again dashing to the bus stop without a proper breakfast.. but fortunately I informed the resident beforehand that I was going straight to theatre.. Managed to witness the surgery for the patient whom I clerked last week, but he encountered difficulty because he had a urethral stricture - they could not catheterise him (I think even the urology team who came ended up traumatising his urethra), so they put in a suprapubic catheter instead. The surgeon expressed concern that infection might compromise this surgery to replace his stenosed aortic valve, since his previous admission was for urosepsis - so he suggested postponing the surgery coz it is not something urgent. I was like, "What? Err... God, can make him not postpone ar? Coz if not, it will already be too late for me to find a patient to follow up pre-op, op and post-op - coz its a short rotation. And I do not believe in copy and paste exactly from the notes without seeing the patient, which other people do." The surgeon decided to go ahead eventually. Yay, and I do thank God for this little blessing, but then I asked God, "Can You take it 1 step further ar? Coz I believe You can do much more than we can ever imagine."

After the gruelling 7-hour surgery on this patient, I was told they are starting a heart transplant case next door - it was a golden opportunity coz if I'm not mistaken, I was told that the hospital is the only heart and lung transplant centre in the state of Victoria, and one of the biggest and busiest in Australia. Furthermore, they don't do transplants very often, only an average of around 2 per month. 1 team of surgeons operated on the patient, the other consultant and registrar flew off 7am that morning to get the donor's heart from Cairns, Queensland. So the plane was scheduled to land at 4.45pm, and a helicopter would be bringing the heart and the surgeons to the hospital from Melbourne airport. I dashed to the emergency department at 5.15pm, and asked the receptionist perhaps the most silliest question I have ever asked in my life (Oh might as well, since I might never get such a chance in the future): "Hi there, I'm a medical student attached with cardiothoracics, and I understand that they are flying the donor's heart in for a transplant via a helicopter.. Can I go to the helipad please please? *innocent look*" I think the receptionist also look at me one kind *speechless* duno how to respond, but yay, I followed the nurse to the hospital's helipad (a restricted area). It wasn't anything special lar, just for the experience coz I was imagining my photo being taken like one of those ER doctor drama series running from the helicopter with the patient on a stretcher - I think it looks COOL :p lolz but anyway, nothing dramatic - just as the chopper landed, immediately we made our way to the theatre. It was a crowded OT, as many people wanted to watch, but could not get a very good view. Oh well, saw one half of it, the other half should not be that much of a miss as they connect the heart to the blood vessels. Left around 6.30pm. What an exhausting day.

A phone conversation in the ward between a nurse and the wife of a Chinese patient who spoke little English, discharged after a bypass surgery:
Wife: Hello, my husband you discharged.. he on the toilet floor not moving.
Nurse: You saying he collapsed at home? Quick, you need to call an ambulance! Bring him back here for observation.
Wife: Har?? Why call ambulance? Wait I check on him. I think he waking up a bit.
Nurse: Ya, but you still need to call somebody? Your family doctor?
Wife: Nobody around. Close already. How ar?
Nurse: That is why I said... CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!!!!!

Usually I fast and pray over lunch, but for the past few days my stomach has been playing up, so I decided to have some food at the cafeteria on one of the days. Unexpectedly I bumped into an old friend, who used to be a senior I met in 2006 during transition camp. I haven't seen him for a long time already, so we chatted a bit, I think he's 1 of the residents in the ward upstairs. 1 thing I totally did not expect was that he found out that I was doing the same rotation he was a few years back, and immediately he asked me for my so that he could email me his modules and let me have a rough idea of how to do it.. I was just left amazed yet speechless..

Indeed, I started off these 2 hectic rotations not knowing how I will pull through, but God has taught me to lay down myself, put my trust in Him as my source of help, and as Philippians 4:6-7 would mention, “Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Final chapter of neurosurgery

Day 13 - Another day of madness

"With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm
As we go sailing home"
-Sunday school song-

I was at the pre-admission clinic when Ben and Anna tried calling me at 10.15am. "Gary where are you?"
Me: "Err.. I'm in the hospital?"
Ben: "You do know we have law class now right? 10 o'clock.."
Me: "No I don't. Where?"
Ben: "In medical building, Monash Uni, Clayton.."
*swt*
Ben was trying to tell me over a not-so-good phone connection that the tutor said if I'm going to be late, take my time, but I heard it as "If I'm going to be late, my name will be written there as coming 1-hour late and will be blacklisted." So I rushed back to Clayton by bus-train-bus-on foot in a record 45 minutes, only to find most people dressed casually. Apparently, if you have tutorials on that day, you don't have to attend hospital activities. It is literally.. a HOLIDAY which I was not aware of. *swt*

Anyway, I had to go back to the city hospital coz:
1. I left my bag there
2. It's the 3rd time I've to reschedule my MCR with the registrar coz he is busy.. I hope he does it today.
So off I went in the train headed towards Melbourne, where dark clouds and lightning ahead revealed that a thunderstorm was raging in the city. Just at that time, I received a phone call from an unknown person, who turned out to be my supervisor. He asked me where am I, and I mentioned that I'm rushing back to the hospital coz I had class before that. To my horror, guess what he said? "Gary, what time are you arriving? Later you go to the seminar room and do your presentation on Back Pain which you have prepared on Monday.. I will be marking you today."

That phone call nearly gave me a heart attack on the train.. THIS IS CRAZY!!!! I thought since he didn't have time on Monday, let's just modify the slides a bit nicely and do a lecture notes handout to include when I'm handing in the copy of my assessment to him. Little did I know this cropped up. "Seriously GOD I DO NOT WANT TO FAIL.. eh you are the one who brought me here so better help me leh, I may not be able, but You are." I think I prayed so hard that my supervisor asked me in the seminar room "Gary, you look nervous.." (what an impression to give - of course lar, especially when you are presenting a half-baked 20-slide presentation which you did not even read up for and risk being bombarded). I was wondering what else he has up his sleeves, and you know what? He called ALL his registrars and residents to come and observe me giving the talk. ^_^"

Amid the talk while heavy rains rage outside, I will admit I was nervous, fumbling a bit here and there, and not knowing answers to some questions, but I thank God that he did not scold, instead used it as a teaching session for his registrars (he is a good teacher by the way). At the end, I did not expect it, but got commended for a good talk. Very thankful :-)

My case presentation patient (whose operation got screwed up by histopath as mentioned previously) had B-cell lymphoma relapse.. Before leaving, I just dropped by the ward for a visit. Her daughter and husband were seen crying as the haematologist explained to them another operation she was scheduled to undergo next Tuesday. Just as I was hiding behind the door taking a peek, a nurse asked me what was I up to. I told her that I'm a medical student following up on my patient, and if they need some time by their own, then could you pass this box of chocolates to them - saying it's from me? The nurse scolded me, "Oh come on, what's there to be afraid??! Just go, I'm sure they won't mind." Next thing I knew, I was at the door, with a shy-look.. "Err.. hi there? Sorry I just finished work and I actually duno what else I could say or offer to help, but I figured of just handing in a little token of appreciation. Hope she gets well soon."

I could sense everybody in that room felt grateful about that. Walked home in the evening rain (coz I forgot to buy an umbrella), but 1st time I actually enjoy being under the showers - a refreshing reminder that His mercies are new every day.

Day 14 - All's well that ends well

I decided to go hands on today, and I'm proud of it. I helped in putting on fluorescent markers (something like tags from sci-fi movies) on the patient's head which is used for mapping the brain via MRI before surgery. I tried putting in an IV, but for someone who has not cannulated for more than a year, rusty already.. equipment here look a bit different, so I had a nice nurse to guide and teach me what to do.. luckily patient was quite forgiving despite the botched attempt. After the IV was put in, the resident had to tell me that now they need bloods taken (and I think the patient was a bit grumpy after the IV to be poked again), so the nurse taught me a shortcut :p (use a syringe to withdraw around 10ml fluid from the cannula until you are sure that the fluid coming out is pure blood, then quickly stick in the vacutainer..) It was a pre-operative ward (all patients who go here need IV cannulas and venepunctures), so I am welcome to go there and practise as many times as I want to (conveniently located beside the cardiothoracic ward where I'm going next).

Tagged along a resident, who showed me that if you want things to be done efficiently and quickly your way:
1. know all the shortcuts and stairways in the hospital to save time getting from point A to B
2. be nice and appreciative to the admin people.. if the healthcare staff can't help you (eg if you want an urgent scan), usually the admin people can help you get things done (can tell that this guy has a charm among the female colleagues :p)

My registrar finally was able to sit down and do my MCR (ie case assessment with me).. he was very keen to teach, and I had to apologise to constantly bothering him. Nevertheless, I mentioned that I should be doing more reading, he told me that I actually have the knowledge - it's just applying it in situations when it is hidden somewhere in your brain. "When you start off in medicine here, you will realise that most of the things you will be doing is paperwork. Not so much of medical knowledge needed - more of experience and determination.." I had a good chat with him for the last time, he signed off both of my 2 MCRs, and though I did not expect to do well in a tough rotation compared to cardiothoracics (whose supervisor was said to be more lenient), he gave me full marks for each criteria.. I was stunned and speechless. *I SERIOUSLY DON'T BELIEVE IT* "You know, of those who previously came to this rotation, you were one of the few who always stayed back until late, even the nurses had to prompt you to go home. So all the best - go, you will make a good doctor."

I duno what the future holds in cardiothoracic surgery, and I do hope I pass my PIA, which is the eventual final assessment grades given by my current consultant supervisor, but as I walked out Ward 2 East for the last time, I was eternally grateful to a faithful God, and was reminded that as we seek 1st His kingdom and His righteousness, putting His principles 1st, all things will work together for the good of those who love Him. End of story.

Currently listening: Keane - Somewhere only we know

End of Week 2, Year 5

Day 9

I suppose being a good listener does not only encompass areas of sharing with other people, but also on ward rounds, when you have to really listen to what the registrars are blurting out at a quick rate, and sieve through what's relevant to write in the patient's notes (not easy, since I tend to zone out early morning), but at least my note writing abilities have improved. I now take almost half the patient's case files on rounds for write-ups, and can do 2-3 discharge summaries per day.

The problem with neurosurgery is that when I asked the resident, "How many interns are there in the ward?" the answer is NONE. Since neurosurgery is a rather sub-specialised field, residents do the interns' work. Most interns are in departments with broad scopes such as general medicine or surgery, where Year 5's can at least see what to do. I had to ask what is the job scope of an intern in Australia, since I'm literally walking around the wards aimlessly like some blur, dumb fellow not knowing what to do most of the time.. "Oh, interns basically help run the ward (run the ward? for me run around here and there got lar).. clerk patients and present to the consultants on rounds, do referrals, liaise with staff from other departments when it comes to investigations.. basically you got to know your patient.." Ok, not too much different from housemen in Malaysia, but the way I'm going, I think I'm on the right track, except could have been better..

1 suggestion which I might consider forwarding to Monash for Malaysia campus' final years who are coming over to Australia next year is to have a slightly earlier 1-week orientation (so-called informal grace period) for exposure to the hospital and ward environment (be it exploration, ward rounds, sit in clinics etc), since the interaction with patients/staff and way things are done can take a while to get used to.

17 year old girl admitted to emergency department for a cervical / spinal fracture due to a high speed motor vehicle accident. Ended up a quadriplegic. Enough said.

Why me?

Our Daily Journey (ODJ) had an article which spoke to my heart for the past week of devotion. Basically the author is a cancer survivor who wonders why did God let him survive and not others, why did he have to go through certain things. Then, it mentioned about Hannah, how she cried out to God in anguish because she could not bear a child for a long time, and eventually God blessed her with a boy, Samuel. Samuel went on to become a prophet, to anoint David king over Israel, the line where Jesus would later come from.

Lesson is that God hears our cries when we face difficulties, but then He reveals His will based in His good pleasure. Regardless of the outcome, we can respond in faith by praising Him for who He is. It is ok to wonder "Why?" sometimes, but we can trust in God's sovereign, loving hands all the time.

Yes, I dread the ridiculous hours to wake up and go home when other people can go home at 2pm or enjoy the weekend, neuro is my weakest aspect of medicine, and it does not help that I have 2 presentations to be assessed by my consultant supervisor this Monday (prayers appreciated - thank you :p). The list can go on, but I've learnt to see that there is some good to it - it prepares me for housemanship, it trains up my neurological examination; since I can practise it as many times as I want it, I get to assist in brain surgeries which might only be a once in a lifetime experience, and I learnt to count my blessings as He sustains me.

Speaking of sustenance, I was going to wait 5 minutes for the 6.30pm bus back to Clayton from the hospital but the standstill traffic jam all the way to the train station was terrible. But if I wait for the 6.30 bus, I might only arrive in Lifegroup around 9 something at night, as it is I'm already missing dinner. So I was deciding whether to walk (you got to be kidding, after a tiring day, with my lousy stamina and the train station over 1.5km away).. but then I decided, "God, I wanna honour You. I choose not to compromise or miss LG" So I did. And as I went on, I overtook not 1, but 2 of the buses which had left earlier, and as I crossed over to the train station, I caught up with the 3rd bus which supposedly left at 6pm. Hopped onto a train after a few minutes and I'm off.

Now, a new problem arises. Clayton has not buses until 7.39pm. 2 Huntingdale buses leave at 7.14 and 7.15pm respectively. I told God, "I need a favour. Can make this train go a little bit faster and make the buses delayed until I arrive ar?" It's a problem coz a number of people were complaining that the trains arrive after the buses had left. I arrived at 7.19pm, and as I ran over to the bus stop, guess what - there was a bus over there, and it was literally EMPTY!! Waiting there for me as if it had been sent specially prepared to pick me up :p

Little lessons which just made my day.. when doing something for God, don't look at the task at hand, fix your eyes on Him, coz He is able to do much more than we can ever imagine :)

Exam season - Snippets of God's faithfulness

"....give thanks for my shepherd, whose sharing deeply encouraged and renewed me in my walk with God. He did mention the importance behind every choices we make, and that one of the key to breakthrough in certain areas that we can see, is seeking 1st God’s kingdom and His righteousness, to lay down ourselves and put Him at the centre of what we do. Then, we see how God is able to open the floodgates of heaven, because 1st and foremost, God looks at the heart, not at your ability. As we continue to do so, we know that He will be with us always, in the things that we do. One example includes how despite his final thesis presentation scheduled the next morning, and he is only half-done with it, he made the decision not to compromise, but to sacrifice whatever little time he had left and attend the Vision and Philosophy class on that very night, and by the time he got home it was already past midnight. Nevertheless, despite the lack of time, able to see how God helped him pull through, and even provided him with the best thesis and overall top architecture student award in UTM. It definitely served as an encouragement to me as we approached the season of final exams.."
Christopher Heng

"....I wanted to testify to God’s goodness over the past week or so, where I have been extremely busy with submission. Although the presentation has been postponed to Friday, but I fell sick on Monday and it became so bad even on Tuesday that I was unable to get out of bed. I felt very weak and needed to rest, and initially did not intend to go for caregroup on Wednesday despite being rostered to come up with games for this week. Nevertheless, I got reminded of a passage where God loves a cheerful giver, and I want to give Him my best. Today, I resolve to tell myself not to complain, give excuses or do things just for the sake of completing it, but in our everyday ministry and serving Him, let us truly see it as a privilege to do so. Throughout the process of preparing and leading games, gradually I experienced God’s renewal not only spiritually, but also physically. All glory belongs to Him."
Jing Jing

Why God is never late in answering prayer :-)

Currently listening: Your grace is sufficient

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4th year medical students have to do a case write-up on a chronic illness / disability patient as part of their GP posting. So while at my private GP, I clerked and examined a boy who came in with his mum, due to poorly controlled asthma. Took down his medications, and enquired a bit about his family and stuff.. technically I'm supposed to review him again a 2nd time, and I was only at the private GP for 6 weeks, not knowing when he will come in. So in the 2 weeks leading up to the deadline I decided to give my patient's mum a call to check on how they are doing, and to request more information required in the assignment guidelines.

To my horror, the handphone number on the patient's case file was no longer in service, and my GP suggested me going over to the patient's house based on the address given, which I did, but nobody was at home (probably went out to buy food for breaking fast). Costly trip it was to go there twice(RM17 each time by taxi, return trip by bus). Since they were not around on this recent Sunday afternoon, left a note requesting them to contact me, and left. Prayed and ask God to open up a way, coz as much as possible I do not wanna make up stuff (ie cheating)..

It was an agonising wait, 7pm.. 8pm.. 9pm.. and all I've got so far is the basic skeleton of my assignment, with the next day (Monday) being the deadline. Then out of nowhere at 9.45pm I received a phone call from a source I completely did not expect. My GP called, "Gary, you remembered the asthma patient you wanted? I was about to close my clinic when his mum brought him in for an acute exacerbation. He is now on nebuliser. Would you like to talk to the mum?" All of a sudden the rest was history, did my best, and whatever marks came out from the assignment no longer mattered.

Overcoming barriers to success - where is your focus?

The fields were parched and brown from lack of rain, and the crops lay wilting from thirst. People were anxious and irritable as they searched the sky for any sign of relief. Days turned into arid weeks. No rain came.

The ministers of the local churches called for an hour of prayer on the town square the following Saturday. They requested that everyone bring an object of faith for inspiration.

At high noon on the appointed Saturday the townspeople turned out en masse, filling the square with anxious faces and hopeful hearts. The ministers were touched to see the variety of objects clutched in prayerful hands - holy books, crosses, rosaries.

When the hour ended, as if on magical command, a soft rain began to fall. Cheers swept the crowd as they held their treasured objects high in gratitude and praise. From the middle of the crowd, one faith symbol seemed to overshadow all the others: A small nine-year old child had brought an umbrella.

Laverne W. Hall
From: Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul

Hi, my name is Jing Jing, and I’m currently studying architecture in UTM. As many of you may already know, architecture is well-known in UTM as a 6-year course that never sleeps. Take a walk around the campus throughout the semester, and chances are there are times when you will find the faculty's studio lights still switched on even though it’s already 3am, as students worked on their projects. Today I want to share about how God helped me breakthrough in the area of focusing on Him in overcoming my challenges.

Recently, I encountered a challenge in the form of my 1st major project. As the deadline drew closer, I don’t even have a direction for my project, no idea of what to come up with. I started getting worried and feeling lost. Therefore I prayed and asked God to give me direction, wisdom, strength and peace. I wanted to finish up my project as much as possible so that I can join the student group’s Eureka Camp. Eventually, I found an interesting topic and God gave me the concentration I have never experienced before, as well as a burning passion for my project. I keep focusing on God’s presence rather than negative feelings, worry and tiredness, His power rather than my ability, His promise rather than circumstances. As a result, peace and joy filled my heart (John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.).

On Friday before the camp, I intended to submit my finished project. Upon looking through my project, my lecturer asked me whether I am clear about the objectives of my project. I explained my proposal to him, and little did I expect that he would drop a bombshell by saying that my design and its objectives were already flawed right from the beginning, thus he rejected it. That meant I have to start re-doing it all over again from zero. Submission is on Monday and I’m supposed to be joining the camp later that evening! I know I can’t miss Eureka camp, because it is a camp that can change my life. The word ‘Eureka’ itself means ‘I have discovered something’, and I wouldn’t want to miss the experience of learning more about the wonderful plan He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.).

I prayed to God to guide me and give me strength so that I won’t be tired after the camp. By faith, I uphold my project into His hand and made the decision to go for the camp. By the time we returned home from camp, it was already Saturday evening, and next day we have Sunday service. After the camp, I continued with my work and God blessed me with people to help me too. His love sustained me through the entire process. It’s not easy but His presence comforts me.

After a gruelling weekend, I finally submitted my work on Monday. To my surprise, I was the only one who successfully submitted it on time, and this time my lecturer even praised me for my good work. All this is God’s work and blessing. His grace is always sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9 – But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me). He is faithful as long as I choose to focus on Him and let Him lead me.

Lim Jing Jing
U2A

Honestly speaking..

It may not be much to shout about, and doing medicine is not entirely about this.. but to me it is something meaningful, especially if you have been turning up to class blur and constantly being nagged by bedside tutors despite being in your 2nd last week of O&G.

It may seem like a useless, time-wasting activity, going to the community clinic just to wait for a patient to come in requiring a referral to the hospital. My assignment involves writing an a referral letter for that patient. Yeah, right.. as if its going to happen, even if they need a referral, the family medicine specialist should be able to handle it on site, no need to go to the hospital.

I have people coming up and asking me to fabricate a patient / clerk and make up some details here and there, rather than waste time in such petty matters, might as well use the time to study or do something else.. In fact, one scolded me the week before for asking consent from a patient for pap smears and wasting a golden opportunity to get my log book signed off when the patient turned me down (thanks to my 'stupidity', since chances like these don't come by easily).. Nevertheless, I'm thankful for the staff nurse who subsequently helped me out with that matter. The one-way taxi fare RM10 to go there myself is already burning a hole in my pocket, considering the fact that I'm not very well-to-do. 3 trips there already and still nothing. As mentioned earlier, might as well study right? (since I don't really know much)

Nevertheless, it was an opportunity to teach me that God is never late in fulfilling His promises, and the end does not justify the means. Therefore, do not compromise. A week before the assignment deadline while sitting in with the MO, the MA dropped by to inform that there is a case of fever (suspected dengue). What more could I ask for? Quickly clerked, briefly examined and compared any missed details with the MA and patient's consultation card, and there it was.. The night before the deadline, a word of pessimistic caution came from a friend that the referral letter was supposed to be addressed specifically to a specialist based on the marking scheme, which some tutors are particular about (mine was addressed to the MO of the emergency department). Nevertheless, it's already been typed out, what else could I do, apart from uphold it unto God's hands, for better or worse.

A few days ago, found out that despite being cross-marked by 2 relatively strict tutors, my referral letter turned out to be one of those which were awarded a perfect score. At the end of the day, what more could I ask for?

No greater love

Honour God and He will honour you

After finishing 3 days of Hope JB's bible conference, it's rather discouraging lar to get scolded badly with a earfull by parents for not planning the holiday trip back for Hari Raya in advance, coz newspapers reported that bus tickets to the East Coast (apparently the most popular destination for the season) has been sold out 2 days ago. Was busy with my MCR and assignment last week, so no time to read newspapers lar.. anyway, when in doubt of what to do, pray lar :p

It doesn't help that it was raining cats and dogs in JB in the afternoon. Amazing that the rain stopped the moment my shepherd whom was fetching me home from Skudai arrived at the Larkin bus terminal :-)

It doesn't help that when we arrived in Larkin, there was a massive traffic jam and the place was loaded with taxis. Then out of nowhere, a car reversed out and there you go; a parking space :-)

It doesn't help that in a terminal crowded with people, you see the notice at the bus ticket counter 'East Coast tickets for Hari Raya season to Kuala Terengganu-Kota Bharu-Permatang Pasir from 26 September-9 October has been sold out.' What more, JB is not like KL which has buses leaving every hour, here it's like 2 trips in the morning, 1 in the afternoon and 1-2 at night to Kuantan. Logically speaking, and also from experience, confirm gone case already (coz the same thing happened last time while in KL, and tickets were sold out long in advance). But somehow I'm thankful that I still manage to get a ticket to Kuantan; the best part is that it enabled me to leave after Sunday service (28 September, 3pm) and I even managed to buy a return ticket to come back on Saturday (4 October) so that I don't have to miss next day Sunday service :-)

Hectic week leading towards freedom (ie Merdeka)

I have 2 items due this Friday (29 August); 1 is my MCR (ie monthly practical test), and the second is my critical appraisal report. It took me until end of last week to find my article, so as I was trying to appraise it, there were quite a number of parts where I got stuck. It was a busy week, but since my tutor was not around on Monday and Tuesday, I thought I will see him on Wednesday, but he was on call in the ICU. I made an appointment to see him on Thursday.

So on Wednesday night, I was so tired wondering what to study for MCR and how to do assignment and PBL at the same time that I had to take a nap for a while doing PBL at Ben's place (before got woken up after just half an hour). Anyway, that night, slept only around 4 hours I think..

Thursday (28 August 2008)
So the next morning I turned up for PBL at 8am (it was the start of a long day)looking like a zombie, but thankful that my presentation was quite ok, and I had fun practising thyroid examination on E.K. :p

After PBL, rushed to the wards for my MCR. Since the next day is the deadline already, and it's my 1st surgical MCR, I was like; "Err.. God ar, it's my 1st surgical MCR and I'm actually not very smart wan, so don't give so difficult case can ar?" The patient I was supposed to examine has an indirect inguinal hernia. Easy you say? Actually, for the past 7 weeks in general surgery, I never got the chance to examine a patient with inguinal hernia before (I mean, for teaching purposes the patient allowed the tutor to demonstrate on him, but was shy when we wanted to practise). So what to do? Try to remember lor as much of what the tutor taught us last week; Monkey see, monkey do, right? Then got asked a few questions.. and I was actually very happy with the marks I got (people may say it's no big deal as this lecturer is quite lenient, but it's still my highest MCR mark so far :p). He actually commented that if I had been more composed (ie smoother flow and less prompting, probably coz I was sleepy), he would have given higher marks.

12pm.. PBL and MCR done, EBCP to go.. rushed back to clinical school for long case. Got the shock of my life when I found out that E.K. and I have the same article for the appraisal. I was like, "What?? You got to be kidding me.. No time to find another article already leh..tomorrow deadline." Fortunately don't have to, but apparently my appraisal lacks several things.. My initial plan was to let the tutor go through my report and adjust the changes later at home. However, the tutor whom I was supposed to meet had to rush off again to the wards. A second tutor was busy, but suggested I email her my assignment to have a look. I went looking for the 3rd tutor who helped me big time with my previous assignment. He had a meeting at 3pm, and MCR with 3 students at around 4 pm, so I thought maybe I will meet him at 5 pm in the wards. In my haste to print and get the sample draft ready, I accidentally slammed the printing room's sliding door against my left finger. *PAINFUL*

So when the time came, I ran to the wards as I thought I was late, but he still haven't finished his meeting, so walked all the way back to the clinical school, and came back at 6pm. Still not finished with the MCR. It's tiring leh to run up and down the sloped staircase from clinical school to the wards. In the mean time, called the hospital surgeon to arrange for afternoon class tomorrow, got sarcastically told off to call back tomorrow morning. I called my ex-shepherd who was supposed to pick me up for dinner at 6.15pm to postpone our dinner appointment but was not possible, coz the designated meeting up time before going together for combined prayer meeting at FGC was 7pm, and traffic jam means we don't even have time for dinner. So there, finished. Die lar my assignment.. The tutor only finished the MCR at 7.30 pm. So I had to arrange another time tomorrow. Was actually thinking "Gary, Gary... you got to be crazy and out of your mind, your assignment and a lot of work not yet done leh.. actually should exercise wisdom lar, just tell lar if you cannot make it due to last minute unforeseen circumstances. Furthermore, the drive there takes 30 minutes.." Was throwing up a lot of calculative thoughts in my mind (coz I'm actually very stingy with my time), but since I already decided to go, "God I know I'm super tired and stressed, but You have been faithful all this while, and I choose to honour You." After that, another night of only 5 hours of sleep. But how much can I do, since a lot of the sections of the assignment which I wanted to enquire of has not been corrected?

Friday (29 August 2008)
Another long day. Tutor came late at 8.15 am, class finished late and turns out that a lot of people wanted to see this tutor also (ie cut queue), so couldn't really ask much about the assignment. But he tried to help lar as much as possible. My subgroup asked me to help look for patient early coz they were packing to go home. Was busy correcting my assignment, how to go? Until I forgot about pathology class. To go or not to go? It's quite late already. Ok lar, just go. Not good to skip class. After class, as I was editing my assignment, I just didn't know how, but the bits and pieces just fell into place. Whether it's correct or not, that's up to the marker to decide lar. But I achieved more progress in that 2 hours than in the past 2 nights. The deadline was 5pm, but managed to submit it at lunchtime. Went to the wards and managed to find a patient, so I clerked and examined him. During the teaching, I learnt a lot lar as the person doing the examination. And after all these, still got plenty of time to spare and I 'tapau'-ed my pathology quiz as well, before catching a bus to replacement caregroup that night.

Thank you Lord :-)