ECG

You'll never know that God is all you need,..

...until God is all you have.

Currently listening: New Life Worship (Ross Parsley and the Desperation Band) - Counting on God

After yesterday's Sunday service, I had a privilege to be in the car with W,one of the student LG leaders who sent me home. We were exchanging experiences on our job experiences, hers as an architect, mine as a doctor, and found not many differences - although I did share mine that for a hospital, it's a harsh working environment, no love, where you deal with staff and colleagues who are stressed up, and tend to be selfish - some even with attitude problems. Of course I do get scolded many times for various mistakes. And being call twice a week leaves you tired and no mood to do things at times. If you are not careful, instead of being agent of change within the working environment, it might end up the other way around.

But I did mention that it was in such times that you see God work wonders. Sometimes, as you go through certain things and you look back at how God pulled you through, and you share it with others, they will give you a weird look and wonder, "Is that even possible?"

W shared how she noticed many similarities of what I described with her days in UTM's architecture faculty - during that time, they are well-known as a bunch of students who are frequently very busy. If doctors on-call work 36 hours straight, they on the other hand could go up to 48 hours (with lights still on in their campus labs) during seasons for submitting assignments and projects. An outside person might wonder how God could work in such an environment, but W mentioned that she always reminded her sheep that they are the blessed ones - because it is in such times (when you feel like you are dying rushing your work, when you have nothing left to go on etc) that you experience God.

"People who have a comfortable life, stable job might make remarks on how God has blessed them, how His grace is sufficient for them etc., but many times all these end up as empty cliches which we used so frequently, that it has lost its meaning. When you are hard-pressed for a miracle and all the chips are against you, you won't just pray a simple prayer of a few lines asking God to bless you - you will cry out desperately, knowing that without Him, some outcomes just would not have been possible. Then you will realise that it is really His grace that is sufficient for you, what you say carries more weight and meaning."

She also shared practical experiences, how compared to those who are already working, owning a car as a public university student can be a challenge, when (not wanting to be a burden to your parents) you are paying for it with your scholarship and part-time job earnings. Sometimes, with only RM50 left in your bank account, you will be wondering whether to pump petrol or use the money to buy food. However, it is in such times when you see the need of owning the car as a student, to be a blessing in fetching people, you also experience His provision in ways you could never expect from the people using your car.

However, I guess the 1 thing which encouraged me the most was her testimony on her academics, how she made it her decision to God to lay down her studies, despite her results not being very good as compared to other students - and her decision not to compromise on various church commitments (despite whatever came her way - deadlines, fatigue etc). God blessed her with an award for being one of the best students in the faculty, but above all else, it left a mark within the student group - when you start to do this, other people start to look at their own lives and say "If an architecture student who is extremely busy can do such a thing, then there is no excuse for us from other faculties not being able to serve God wholeheartedly." She was the pioneer student from her faculty, and encouraged me to see that at the pioneering stage it is tough, but God has a wonderful plan and wants to pour out His blessing on such people. See it as a privilege, as the 1st doctor in Hope JB, as she was the 1st architecture student back then. Although it took her 2 years before she started bringing people to church /LG when she was already finishing her final year, today several of the leaders in student group come from this faculty.

"I have attended a seminar where there was this doctor from East Malaysia who shared her experiences. Due to the shortage of staff and heavy workload, she was greeted with many negativity when she started work. People were telling her that she would have to give up religion because she could not go to Sunday service anymore. But she refused to let all these bother her, in fact she woke up at 4am to go to the hospital so that she could finish her work by 6.30am or so before squeezing out time to go to church. The great lengths people are willing to go to serve God passionately. Today she is leading a group of Christian doctors in the hospital. See it in spite of your hardship and challenges that God is moulding and preparing you for greater things to come."

Thankful for that ride home..

In spite of overwhelming odds

Currently listening: Laura Story - Grace

Last week at Hope JB, we had a bible conference on A Priesthood Church, with pastor's passionate sharing on how each and every one of us are called to be a royal priesthood. As I was on call over the weekend, even when I turned up for the Sunday session, ended up sleeping on the couch due to over-exhaustion.

Then it was decided that I was to be the chairperson for that week's lifegroup (LG), which is slightly related to the theme. For someone who missed 80% of it, not sure of how I was even going to carry it out. On the day before the LG, it was a long day at work, followed by some unexpected circumstances which resulted in me returning home late after a meal with a fellow visitor. I got locked out of the hospital backgate as it was already after 10pm, so I took the long road which was poorly lit, and things did not turn out very well. Just before I left for home, I cut my toe when I knocked it against the leg of the mamak's table. Then, I tripped and stepped into a puddle of mud. I got home at midnight exhausted, whole body aching, and realising that I haven't really finished preparing for LG chairing tomorrow. What more, on the next day, I have an exam which I have not studied for.

In such a time, I emailed my shepherd. I mentioned that it's a funny feeling. On one hand you feel overwhelmed by many things, but on the other, there was that slight feeling of peace, as if God was trying to remind me that His grace is sufficient for me in spite of all the work and fatigue. His reply?

"As we continue to grow in Him and have more responsibility on our shoulder, we will naturally feel tired and overwhelmed. I believe this is the time where God wants to expand our capacity so that we will be able to do more for him in the future. In this process, there are many important lessons that we can learn to equip us to be an effective servant for Him. Keep it up bro, it's a time of moulding and transformation from God ! Breakthrough is just around the corner. As always, would like to encourage you with this verse (which also encourages me a lot :)

Phillipians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God which transcend all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Jia you bro. God grace is always sufficient. Let's do it together."

At the same time, I realised that I was feeling stressed coz it was my 2nd time chairing LG, and I was nervously holding on to some expectations on how I wanted things to work out. I had to let go and surrender the outcome to Him after doing my best, as it's not about me. As I did so, the LG turned out much better than expected. Surprisingly, what I had prepared hastily flowed well in line with the praise and worship that night, and many people's lives were touched as God moved powerfully that night. As I shared during the testimony session, God's grace is sufficient for us.

Give praise

Currently listening: Hillsong - Hallelujah

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

So to continue on from my previous post, 2 take home messages: joy and acceptance. Ethan reminded me during shepherding that it is very important that in all things we do, to do it out of joy and give praise to God whatever the outcome, otherwise a sense of discontent and bitterness will arise when we don't safeguard our heart.

Many times the expectation is there - I would admit that many times I do get upset when people don't respond the way I intended / produce certain outcome or result, something to improve as I got reminded by my shepherd, "You are dealing with humans, not robots, who naturally have a tendency to look at their limitations and self-interests 1st, rather than expressing their willingness. Take ministry for example - what if you get a sheep in the future which doesn't see the value of committing to certain things? Or lacks accountability and frequently lands you in trouble? If they still refuse to change after having done your best, then it's between them and God. But until then, how would you then continue to impart and encourage, sometimes challenge?"

Nevertheless, the things I want to praise Him for this week, despite the bad times:
-A department which teaches a lot.
-My leave for convocation approved after much waiting.
-Performing procedures which I had waited for so long.
-The strength to survive another busy on call.

Jonah Neurosurgical call Part 3

*Jonah = busy night, with many things going on and wrong*
Currently listening: Hillsong - Desert song

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For some reason, I don't know why they like to put me on call in neurosurgery, in the past 5 weeks already had 3 of them, and I don't really understand much what is going on in the patients since most of them are critically ill.

Yesterday just after 5pm, when we have not even finished the work at paeds surgical, they already phoned me to accompany patient to the operating theatre for tracheostomy. Even a colleague took pity on me, as to her surprise, "It's only 5pm, so fast already so Jonah ar?" Imagine having to rush to NeuroHDU, follow the patient to the OT as you bag the patient along the way. After the surgery, you have to go accompany the patient back to the HDU the same way you went to the OT, bagging along the way. Imagine doing the same thing for 3 consecutive patients (5 in total that night)..

Even the nurses were telling me that last night they had all sorts of things to name it; tracheostomies, new admission for hypertensive emergency, transfers from other hospitals, moving patients between ICUs, patient stopped breathing and requiring resuscitation, spillage of urine from patient's urinary bag, patients trying to pull out their endotracheal tube, schizophrenic patient struggling up and down in bed. So busy until did not even have time to go upstairs to do night rounds in the male and female wards.

Nevertheless, 1 thing which I gave thanks for, was the opportunity to carry out something which I have not been able to perform under my surgical MOs (which I have been praying for opportunities), 2 central venous line (CVL) insertions - and both were successful at 1st attempts :), despite the 1st one being done a bit fumblingly. Initially I was hesitant, coz both were IVDU patients (drug addicts, high risk of infectious disease) and 1 of them was the schizo patient screaming and struggling vigorously, but eventually as I took that step, the neurosurgical MO was willing to allow me to do it.

Overall it was a tiring night, didn't sleep until next day noon after paeds morning rounds, but again God was in control :)

Testimony sharing during Sunday service

Currently listening: Don Harris - For You alone (sung at CHC)

Good morning brothers and sisters. My name is Gary, and I graduated from Monash University, currently working as a doctor in Hospital Sultanah Aminah, Johor Bahru. I am currently joining the U3A student lifegroup. Today I would like to share with you my testimony on how I experienced God in my decision making process, and the precious lessons He taught me along the way.

First let me introduce a little bit of background of how I first came to know Hope JB. I came to know God while I was in my 1st year of my studies in Hope Melbourne, Australia, and have been joining Hope family of churches ever since. When I 1st came to Hope JB, it turned out to be a challenge for me. Why? The travelling distance was quite far from where I live, and I would end up taking public transport when nobody was coming along with me. In addition, I struggled a lot because I hardly knew how to converse in Mandarin.

Nevertheless, I overcame those struggles, and in my 3rd year God taught me a valuable principle, which has become the mainstay of what I do – Choose to honour God, and He will honour you. That is why I never compromised, be it in taking shortcuts in my academics or missing church activities, no matter how busy or tired I was. I saw how God blessed me in many areas as I made the decision to do so.

When I entered my final year, I was challenged to take that principle to another level. On one hand, I desire to see a lifegroup of strong and biblical medical students and doctors rise up and commit their lives to make a difference on campus and within the hospital. However, deep inside my heart, I also have my own dream, to become a successful specialist. When I went to Melbourne in my 1st year, I literally fell in love with the place, the working environment and pay in Australia was definitely better. It was very tempting, what more since I managed to get 2 provisional offers from Australia thanks to references from 2 prominent professors in my final year. But as I spent some time praying to seek God, and after consultation with leaders, I came to the conclusion that apart from my own personal reasons and preferences, I have no concrete reason to work there in terms of God’s plan.

At the same time, I faced challenges from my family, who were understandably upset and objected strongly to my decision to turn down my Australian offer as well as the option of working in their hometown. It was a very difficult situation for me, as I did not know what to do, apart from spending time praying. I was bothered with many doubts and questioned myself whether am I doing the right thing, since 3 years of putting in effort and I have yet to see much fruits from my ongoing labour. At one point I told God, if I am just wasting time down here, why bother? I might as well pack my bags and go pursue my own interests. I also have people telling me all sort of things out of good intention. One would say, “Don’t stay to see the seed grow, because sometimes you are one sowing it, only God can make it grow.”, whereas another would comment, “Don’t you have other churches in Australia / Malaysia to serve in? Why must it be Hope JB?” Nevertheless, this church is committed to fulfilling the great commission, and I told Him, “I may not fully understand your vision yet, but I want to stay back to learn, to be equipped and experience you more, as I have seen how lives can be changed as we offer ourselves to your plans and purposes.”

One day, I received an unexpected phone call from my dad, requesting for my personal particulars. I asked why. He wanted to pass it to his contact to see whether anything can be done about my hospital placement. Although I disagreed with the method, I appreciated it. From a situation where he was determined to prevent me from getting JB at all costs, God turned the situation around, where he was now going all out to help ensure I would get JB. I was moved to tears, and literally did not know how to respond. So did my shepherd, Ethan, when I shared this with him, he also did not know what to say apart from “God actually loves you very much”. In this process, I experienced how my parents still loved me and were willing to respect my decision, despite various disagreements.

My top 3 hospitals were all in Johor, 2 in JB, 1 in Batu Pahat. To some, this may be seen as risky gamble, putting all your choices in a single state, rather than varying it to stand a better chance of success. Furthermore, I did not know what to put as my reason for those 3 hospitals. Eventually I decided to do something crazy, by mentioning, “Commitment to my local church” as the reason.

God is good. I was offered Hospital Sultan Ismail as my placement (my 2nd choice). I was quite happy, it was a fully air-conditioned and computerized hospital, workload is more manageable and you get to do more stuff, but there is 1 problem: I don’t know any doctors / students there who have yet to come in – what am I about to do in terms of ministry?

At this time, my shepherd challenged me again, since it will not affect your initial outcome, why not you submit an appeal and ask for HSA? I was a bit reluctant to relinquish my offer, because I felt that I would be giving up something good for a worse working environment. However, I chose to believe that as we put God’s interests 1st, He will definitely look after our interests. Since I have limited time to appeal, I was at a loss again how to justify my reasons. Having ran out of ideas, I decided to submit another crazy yet not-so-concrete reason: Housing and transport convenience, and once again, church commitment. I was not holding any high hopes, since if you get your top 3 options, they are unlikely to entertain you. However, on the last day, God miraculously opened up a way, as they announced that my appeal was successful.

At the same time,I received encouraging news on my sheep who is currently in Hope Melbourne on final year exchange, where his humility to serve and help out in the student ministry, despite not having any title attached to him touched the hearts of several people. Having gotten a half-day off hospital work, he chose to take initiative and use the time to help out in campus ministry duties. It is indeed good news to hear how he is currently becoming a blessing to others, as he responded during altar call to have more passion in serving God despite his present struggles.

In conclusion, it has not been an easy process along the way, but I believe that I have been continuously reminded that as we make the best decision for God, He will for surely honour that decision. I might be very busy and stuck with various challenges at the moment, but I want to believe and be excited that where God has put me, He has His wonderful plan and purpose. All glory and honour to Him.

Psalm 126:5-6 - Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

*Note: some parts have been modified for completeness

Minor posting

The nice things about paediatric surgery:
You get to be funny and play with the kids (the not so sick ones, that is).
MO's are willing to teach (in fact, you have a weekly case presentation session).
You get to assist in OT unlike the minor postings of neurosurgery and urology.
You get to run the clinic too, unlike the other 2 minor postings.

The not so nice things about paediatric surgery:
Blood taking in kids can be a nightmare (especially if they scream into your eardrums, and you already noticed at least 10 puncture marks on both hands and feet).
There are only 3 housemen in the department, so 1 person have to take turn to cover both weekends.
As in med school, paeds = medicine / surgery for little people, condensed into a short time frame, so the reading list (as expected) is super long.. 2 pages, for a month long posting.