Hectic week leading towards freedom (ie Merdeka)

I have 2 items due this Friday (29 August); 1 is my MCR (ie monthly practical test), and the second is my critical appraisal report. It took me until end of last week to find my article, so as I was trying to appraise it, there were quite a number of parts where I got stuck. It was a busy week, but since my tutor was not around on Monday and Tuesday, I thought I will see him on Wednesday, but he was on call in the ICU. I made an appointment to see him on Thursday.

So on Wednesday night, I was so tired wondering what to study for MCR and how to do assignment and PBL at the same time that I had to take a nap for a while doing PBL at Ben's place (before got woken up after just half an hour). Anyway, that night, slept only around 4 hours I think..

Thursday (28 August 2008)
So the next morning I turned up for PBL at 8am (it was the start of a long day)looking like a zombie, but thankful that my presentation was quite ok, and I had fun practising thyroid examination on E.K. :p

After PBL, rushed to the wards for my MCR. Since the next day is the deadline already, and it's my 1st surgical MCR, I was like; "Err.. God ar, it's my 1st surgical MCR and I'm actually not very smart wan, so don't give so difficult case can ar?" The patient I was supposed to examine has an indirect inguinal hernia. Easy you say? Actually, for the past 7 weeks in general surgery, I never got the chance to examine a patient with inguinal hernia before (I mean, for teaching purposes the patient allowed the tutor to demonstrate on him, but was shy when we wanted to practise). So what to do? Try to remember lor as much of what the tutor taught us last week; Monkey see, monkey do, right? Then got asked a few questions.. and I was actually very happy with the marks I got (people may say it's no big deal as this lecturer is quite lenient, but it's still my highest MCR mark so far :p). He actually commented that if I had been more composed (ie smoother flow and less prompting, probably coz I was sleepy), he would have given higher marks.

12pm.. PBL and MCR done, EBCP to go.. rushed back to clinical school for long case. Got the shock of my life when I found out that E.K. and I have the same article for the appraisal. I was like, "What?? You got to be kidding me.. No time to find another article already leh..tomorrow deadline." Fortunately don't have to, but apparently my appraisal lacks several things.. My initial plan was to let the tutor go through my report and adjust the changes later at home. However, the tutor whom I was supposed to meet had to rush off again to the wards. A second tutor was busy, but suggested I email her my assignment to have a look. I went looking for the 3rd tutor who helped me big time with my previous assignment. He had a meeting at 3pm, and MCR with 3 students at around 4 pm, so I thought maybe I will meet him at 5 pm in the wards. In my haste to print and get the sample draft ready, I accidentally slammed the printing room's sliding door against my left finger. *PAINFUL*

So when the time came, I ran to the wards as I thought I was late, but he still haven't finished his meeting, so walked all the way back to the clinical school, and came back at 6pm. Still not finished with the MCR. It's tiring leh to run up and down the sloped staircase from clinical school to the wards. In the mean time, called the hospital surgeon to arrange for afternoon class tomorrow, got sarcastically told off to call back tomorrow morning. I called my ex-shepherd who was supposed to pick me up for dinner at 6.15pm to postpone our dinner appointment but was not possible, coz the designated meeting up time before going together for combined prayer meeting at FGC was 7pm, and traffic jam means we don't even have time for dinner. So there, finished. Die lar my assignment.. The tutor only finished the MCR at 7.30 pm. So I had to arrange another time tomorrow. Was actually thinking "Gary, Gary... you got to be crazy and out of your mind, your assignment and a lot of work not yet done leh.. actually should exercise wisdom lar, just tell lar if you cannot make it due to last minute unforeseen circumstances. Furthermore, the drive there takes 30 minutes.." Was throwing up a lot of calculative thoughts in my mind (coz I'm actually very stingy with my time), but since I already decided to go, "God I know I'm super tired and stressed, but You have been faithful all this while, and I choose to honour You." After that, another night of only 5 hours of sleep. But how much can I do, since a lot of the sections of the assignment which I wanted to enquire of has not been corrected?

Friday (29 August 2008)
Another long day. Tutor came late at 8.15 am, class finished late and turns out that a lot of people wanted to see this tutor also (ie cut queue), so couldn't really ask much about the assignment. But he tried to help lar as much as possible. My subgroup asked me to help look for patient early coz they were packing to go home. Was busy correcting my assignment, how to go? Until I forgot about pathology class. To go or not to go? It's quite late already. Ok lar, just go. Not good to skip class. After class, as I was editing my assignment, I just didn't know how, but the bits and pieces just fell into place. Whether it's correct or not, that's up to the marker to decide lar. But I achieved more progress in that 2 hours than in the past 2 nights. The deadline was 5pm, but managed to submit it at lunchtime. Went to the wards and managed to find a patient, so I clerked and examined him. During the teaching, I learnt a lot lar as the person doing the examination. And after all these, still got plenty of time to spare and I 'tapau'-ed my pathology quiz as well, before catching a bus to replacement caregroup that night.

Thank you Lord :-)

The call to remember

Deuteronomy 8:10-18
When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.

Remembering where I was 2.5 years ago. Reminding myself that God is faithful to finish what He started. Reminding myself that no matter what you're going through (multiple deadlines, exams, tiredness, emo-ness etc), one can draw strength by remembering how He has pulled you through.

Calvary
by Planetshakers

1st verse
I will lift my eyes to You
Where my help comes from
Lord I find my rest in You
Keeper of my soul

2nd verse
You gave it all for me
Maker of Heaven
You paid the price
So I could be with You

Chorus
Jesus, I remember the cross
Where You hung upon that tree
You won the ultimate victory
Jesus, I remember Calvary

Bridge
You reign
You reign over the earth

More snippets from past week and this

1. Went to the wards at night last Thursday to clerk a patient for bedside teaching. Tutor asked to look for the breast cancer patient with lymphoedema, but when I went at 8pm, I found out that the patient was already discharged from the ward. Then, the staff nurse whom misheard me gave me a patient with lipoma. Ok, fine I thought, as I approached the bed, there's this group of 4-5 student nurses from a private college attached here in HSA for 2 weeks for their practical training. When I approached the patient's bed, they backed off. Then I looked at them, and was wondering why they looking at me weirdly (the "Oh, this is what a medical student looks like" kind of look). Then, as I enquired the patient and looked at her file, they looked on curiously at what I was doing. I had a short chat with them lar, seemed like a cheerful bunch - laughed and appeared quite playful, despite patients looking at them. Someone was apparently very "happy" for me, for so-called being 'checked out', though that same person would get a dose of her own medicine the next day in the wards. Too bad on the next day also, when I went to the resting room for doctors in the wards to put my stuff, the same group of student nurses were there, with a larger bunch of their cohort. Can hear whispers among them, "Inilah doktor yang saya cakap semalam." *swt*

2. When I go to the wards, I make friends with housemen who would allow me to follow them around / do procedures / help identify interesting cases. There's one who asked me for my name, and when she saw my name tag; let's just say.. Imagine a female, who talks very fast, sounds like Doraemon (I deliberately told her that loudly in front of patients; though in a joking way) saying the following sentence, "Oh Gary... ah itu-itu.. itu dalam itu Spongebob drama punya siput!!!!" *swt* Anyway, the same houseman asked me, "You want to do Central Venous Line ar?" I was like, "What?", coz that caught me unexpectedly, and I didn't read up on the procedure, what not my anatomy.. I told her I can observe lar.. Then, a few of her friends said, that they performed it during their years as medical students. "Never mind, just 'cucuk' (poke around) lar. You learn more when you do". Later I noticed that the patient's clavicle was so massive, even the injection needle became bent. :p

Give and take

I got this from a friend's blog; in conjunction with the Olympics.

During a race in the one man Fin Class sailing competition, Larry Lemieux of Canada was running in second place and was well on his way to a medal ceremony. Suddenly, the sailor spotted Joseph Chan of Singapore, who was competing in a different race, flailing in turbulent water well away from his capsized boat. Chan had been thrown from his small craft and was in danger of drowning in the rough seas.

Lemieux immediately veered off course, sacrificing his chance of winning a medal and ferried Chan back to his overturned boat. Chan and his team mate were then picked up by a rescue boat. Officially, Lemieux finished 11th place in the event but International Olympic Committee President Juan Antonio Samaranch later recognised his act by awarding him the Pierre de Coubertin medal for sportsmanship.

..................................................................................................................

At the most recent Winter Olympiad, Canadian Sarah Renner was leading her team in the gruelling cross country team sprint ski race when her left ski pole snapped. She pushed on, but it seemed hopeless. On an uphill slope, several skiers passed her.

Then something truly extraordinary happened. An unknown man stepped forward from the side of the course and handed Renner another ski pole. She immediately got back in the race and with a mighty effort, managed to make up some of the lost time. In the end, it was enough to capture the silver medal for Canada.

It was not until after the race that Renner learnt the identity of her benefactor. He turned out to be Bjoernar Haakensmoen, the coach of the Norwegian team who finished fourth. Haakensmoen immediately became a hero in Canada. One Montreal newspaper ran a one-word banner headline simply proclaiming, TAKK the Norwegian word for thank you.

Haakensmoen didn't understand all the attention. "The Olympic spirit is the way we try to follow. If you win but don't help somebody when you should have, what win is that?"

(Reader's Digest, Aug 2008)

Like Sarah commented, at times I do ponder what will I do if I ever find myself in such a situation. Olympics is only once in 4 years, medical school is once in a lifetime. Yes, it is said that doctors work in a team. Honestly speaking, I'm not the smartest person around lar, but if say I had worked so hard for something (eg of gold medal standard), the clerking, the hard work, and put up a good impression, how will I respond if someone else who just somehow knows much much more than me just effortlessly rattled off the answers and won praises. Jealous? Annoyed? Why some people so smart one?? If I get my hands on some much coveted handouts / notes / extra sessions, how? Can't deny that the tendency to think along the selfish lines of "Aiya he/she so smart and doing better than me dy, no need to bother lar sharing a copy with them, or You are selfish and manipulate things to cause me so much trouble, that even if you die that's your problem lar." is always there. Sigh..

Guess there is a need to appreciate that at the end of the day, it's not about me. And it's a lesson I'm still learning..

Prayer meeting sharing: What makes an Olympic Gold Medal Christian?

As the Corinthians were having their own version of the Games, Paul was preaching this to them.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my own body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

1. All of us must have the desire to win the prize
As Christians, we want to win God's prize. Run to win the prize / hit the mark, not just simply for the sake of it. All of us like to win prizes, be it during our school days or when we take part in sports, even Christmas presents and lucky draws. God made us with a natural desire to be winners. In this case, not just any prize, but the prize that lasts forever. Example: You can't really bring your university degree to heaven and say you are an engineer, right? What is there for you to build?(That being said, doesn't mean don't study hard ya :p) Hence, all of us must set goals in our lives. Inspire people around us and in church to do so.

2. Need to go into STRICT training.
We read about swimmers like Michael Phelps breaking Olympic records and winning more than 6 gold medals already. Swimmers like these have been swimming since their teenage years (probably 14+). The Chinese identified young gymnasts' with potential at a very young age, and train them with one single focus towards performing their best in the Games. In order to win the prize, need to be trained so that we know how to be more effective in serving God. Of course those who have gone through university feel more confident in undertaking the job they are in now, otherwise if no form of training (eg university degree), how to embark in certain professions? Trained people should also train others. Need to challenge people to serve God in various ministries (no matter which group - student, working adult etc).

3. Challenge each other to be in self-control.
While we want to be equipped, we need to be able to control ourselves in the process. Sometimes when we get tired / discouraged / lonely, we don't want to run anymore, as we get the perception that it is too hard to win the prize. But are you willing to pay the price? Not easy.. Encourage one another to persevere and press on.

The need to go to gym more often

..especially after a triple whammy yesterday. What happened was:

A couple and their 2 little daughters entered the lift I was in. The elder one looked up at me (her height was only up to my waist). I was wondering why in the world was she staring at me. Then she blurted out, "UNCLE, why your stomach so fat fat wan ar?"

The parents who were horrified, especially the mum, tried to make amends by saying, "Shh!!!! Cannot like that wan! Faster say sorry to UNCLE."

Just when you thought it was over after the elder sister said sorry, the younger sister repeated the first statement. *swt*

You are very special

from Small Wooden People by Max Lucado

The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village.

And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.

The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.

Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots. Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him even more dots.

After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason.

"He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another.

"He's not a good wooden person."

After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lulia.

It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lulia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either.

"That's the way I want to be," thought Punchinello. "I don't want anyone's marks." So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it.

"It's easy," Lulia replied. "every day I go see Eli."

"Eli?"

"Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him."

"Why?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there. "

And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away.

"But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out.

Lulia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots.

"It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli.

He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard.

"I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong.

Punchinello stopped.

"Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you."

Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman.

"You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.

"Of course I do. I made you."

Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm, " he spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks."

"I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard."

"Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think."

"You don't?"

"No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.

"I came because I met someone who had no marks."

"I know. She told me about you."

"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"

"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"

"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care."

Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground.

"Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."

And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

Today, upon further evaluation and pondering, are we like the Wemmicks with many accumulated stars, stressed and concerned whether they will continue to receive any stars, and also afraid that somebody may put a grey dot on them? Or are we like those with many grey dots, who feel that they made too many mistakes or are unable to do much? When we see others excelling in certain things, are we able to remind ourselves that each person has a different purpose? (Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.)

(1 Samuel 16:7 - ...Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."). Funny thing is that we are always compared to as a tree. The tree has 3 main different parts; most important part is the root, then you have the trunk, and finally the fruit on the branches. The root represents one's heart attitude. Your being will eventually be linked to your doing. If the attitude is right, it will be anchored solidly to the ground and spring up a tree trunk which is straight and steady. Then of course, bearing good fruit will come naturally.

Sometimes I wonder; why do I keep having things which I am beginning to hold dear to taken away from me? So much so that at times I'm upset of having to start over from scratch..again, especially when this year has been a challenge. One more transtion period to adapt to for the umpteenth time.

Whatever the case, I will uphold it unto You. If it needs to be done. Coz the theme surrounding QT for the past few days has been to trust and persevere (Connect Journal Day 6 on Matthew 2:13-23; What is God reminding you about the level of trust and guidance He promises to provide over your life?) But I really need understanding..

Addendum:

Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Psalm 121:1-2
I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 125:1
Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, who cannot be shaken but endures forever.