ECG

You'll never know that God is all you need,..

...until God is all you have.

Currently listening: New Life Worship (Ross Parsley and the Desperation Band) - Counting on God

After yesterday's Sunday service, I had a privilege to be in the car with W,one of the student LG leaders who sent me home. We were exchanging experiences on our job experiences, hers as an architect, mine as a doctor, and found not many differences - although I did share mine that for a hospital, it's a harsh working environment, no love, where you deal with staff and colleagues who are stressed up, and tend to be selfish - some even with attitude problems. Of course I do get scolded many times for various mistakes. And being call twice a week leaves you tired and no mood to do things at times. If you are not careful, instead of being agent of change within the working environment, it might end up the other way around.

But I did mention that it was in such times that you see God work wonders. Sometimes, as you go through certain things and you look back at how God pulled you through, and you share it with others, they will give you a weird look and wonder, "Is that even possible?"

W shared how she noticed many similarities of what I described with her days in UTM's architecture faculty - during that time, they are well-known as a bunch of students who are frequently very busy. If doctors on-call work 36 hours straight, they on the other hand could go up to 48 hours (with lights still on in their campus labs) during seasons for submitting assignments and projects. An outside person might wonder how God could work in such an environment, but W mentioned that she always reminded her sheep that they are the blessed ones - because it is in such times (when you feel like you are dying rushing your work, when you have nothing left to go on etc) that you experience God.

"People who have a comfortable life, stable job might make remarks on how God has blessed them, how His grace is sufficient for them etc., but many times all these end up as empty cliches which we used so frequently, that it has lost its meaning. When you are hard-pressed for a miracle and all the chips are against you, you won't just pray a simple prayer of a few lines asking God to bless you - you will cry out desperately, knowing that without Him, some outcomes just would not have been possible. Then you will realise that it is really His grace that is sufficient for you, what you say carries more weight and meaning."

She also shared practical experiences, how compared to those who are already working, owning a car as a public university student can be a challenge, when (not wanting to be a burden to your parents) you are paying for it with your scholarship and part-time job earnings. Sometimes, with only RM50 left in your bank account, you will be wondering whether to pump petrol or use the money to buy food. However, it is in such times when you see the need of owning the car as a student, to be a blessing in fetching people, you also experience His provision in ways you could never expect from the people using your car.

However, I guess the 1 thing which encouraged me the most was her testimony on her academics, how she made it her decision to God to lay down her studies, despite her results not being very good as compared to other students - and her decision not to compromise on various church commitments (despite whatever came her way - deadlines, fatigue etc). God blessed her with an award for being one of the best students in the faculty, but above all else, it left a mark within the student group - when you start to do this, other people start to look at their own lives and say "If an architecture student who is extremely busy can do such a thing, then there is no excuse for us from other faculties not being able to serve God wholeheartedly." She was the pioneer student from her faculty, and encouraged me to see that at the pioneering stage it is tough, but God has a wonderful plan and wants to pour out His blessing on such people. See it as a privilege, as the 1st doctor in Hope JB, as she was the 1st architecture student back then. Although it took her 2 years before she started bringing people to church /LG when she was already finishing her final year, today several of the leaders in student group come from this faculty.

"I have attended a seminar where there was this doctor from East Malaysia who shared her experiences. Due to the shortage of staff and heavy workload, she was greeted with many negativity when she started work. People were telling her that she would have to give up religion because she could not go to Sunday service anymore. But she refused to let all these bother her, in fact she woke up at 4am to go to the hospital so that she could finish her work by 6.30am or so before squeezing out time to go to church. The great lengths people are willing to go to serve God passionately. Today she is leading a group of Christian doctors in the hospital. See it in spite of your hardship and challenges that God is moulding and preparing you for greater things to come."

Thankful for that ride home..

In spite of overwhelming odds

Currently listening: Laura Story - Grace

Last week at Hope JB, we had a bible conference on A Priesthood Church, with pastor's passionate sharing on how each and every one of us are called to be a royal priesthood. As I was on call over the weekend, even when I turned up for the Sunday session, ended up sleeping on the couch due to over-exhaustion.

Then it was decided that I was to be the chairperson for that week's lifegroup (LG), which is slightly related to the theme. For someone who missed 80% of it, not sure of how I was even going to carry it out. On the day before the LG, it was a long day at work, followed by some unexpected circumstances which resulted in me returning home late after a meal with a fellow visitor. I got locked out of the hospital backgate as it was already after 10pm, so I took the long road which was poorly lit, and things did not turn out very well. Just before I left for home, I cut my toe when I knocked it against the leg of the mamak's table. Then, I tripped and stepped into a puddle of mud. I got home at midnight exhausted, whole body aching, and realising that I haven't really finished preparing for LG chairing tomorrow. What more, on the next day, I have an exam which I have not studied for.

In such a time, I emailed my shepherd. I mentioned that it's a funny feeling. On one hand you feel overwhelmed by many things, but on the other, there was that slight feeling of peace, as if God was trying to remind me that His grace is sufficient for me in spite of all the work and fatigue. His reply?

"As we continue to grow in Him and have more responsibility on our shoulder, we will naturally feel tired and overwhelmed. I believe this is the time where God wants to expand our capacity so that we will be able to do more for him in the future. In this process, there are many important lessons that we can learn to equip us to be an effective servant for Him. Keep it up bro, it's a time of moulding and transformation from God ! Breakthrough is just around the corner. As always, would like to encourage you with this verse (which also encourages me a lot :)

Phillipians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God which transcend all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Jia you bro. God grace is always sufficient. Let's do it together."

At the same time, I realised that I was feeling stressed coz it was my 2nd time chairing LG, and I was nervously holding on to some expectations on how I wanted things to work out. I had to let go and surrender the outcome to Him after doing my best, as it's not about me. As I did so, the LG turned out much better than expected. Surprisingly, what I had prepared hastily flowed well in line with the praise and worship that night, and many people's lives were touched as God moved powerfully that night. As I shared during the testimony session, God's grace is sufficient for us.

Give praise

Currently listening: Hillsong - Hallelujah

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

So to continue on from my previous post, 2 take home messages: joy and acceptance. Ethan reminded me during shepherding that it is very important that in all things we do, to do it out of joy and give praise to God whatever the outcome, otherwise a sense of discontent and bitterness will arise when we don't safeguard our heart.

Many times the expectation is there - I would admit that many times I do get upset when people don't respond the way I intended / produce certain outcome or result, something to improve as I got reminded by my shepherd, "You are dealing with humans, not robots, who naturally have a tendency to look at their limitations and self-interests 1st, rather than expressing their willingness. Take ministry for example - what if you get a sheep in the future which doesn't see the value of committing to certain things? Or lacks accountability and frequently lands you in trouble? If they still refuse to change after having done your best, then it's between them and God. But until then, how would you then continue to impart and encourage, sometimes challenge?"

Nevertheless, the things I want to praise Him for this week, despite the bad times:
-A department which teaches a lot.
-My leave for convocation approved after much waiting.
-Performing procedures which I had waited for so long.
-The strength to survive another busy on call.

Jonah Neurosurgical call Part 3

*Jonah = busy night, with many things going on and wrong*
Currently listening: Hillsong - Desert song

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For some reason, I don't know why they like to put me on call in neurosurgery, in the past 5 weeks already had 3 of them, and I don't really understand much what is going on in the patients since most of them are critically ill.

Yesterday just after 5pm, when we have not even finished the work at paeds surgical, they already phoned me to accompany patient to the operating theatre for tracheostomy. Even a colleague took pity on me, as to her surprise, "It's only 5pm, so fast already so Jonah ar?" Imagine having to rush to NeuroHDU, follow the patient to the OT as you bag the patient along the way. After the surgery, you have to go accompany the patient back to the HDU the same way you went to the OT, bagging along the way. Imagine doing the same thing for 3 consecutive patients (5 in total that night)..

Even the nurses were telling me that last night they had all sorts of things to name it; tracheostomies, new admission for hypertensive emergency, transfers from other hospitals, moving patients between ICUs, patient stopped breathing and requiring resuscitation, spillage of urine from patient's urinary bag, patients trying to pull out their endotracheal tube, schizophrenic patient struggling up and down in bed. So busy until did not even have time to go upstairs to do night rounds in the male and female wards.

Nevertheless, 1 thing which I gave thanks for, was the opportunity to carry out something which I have not been able to perform under my surgical MOs (which I have been praying for opportunities), 2 central venous line (CVL) insertions - and both were successful at 1st attempts :), despite the 1st one being done a bit fumblingly. Initially I was hesitant, coz both were IVDU patients (drug addicts, high risk of infectious disease) and 1 of them was the schizo patient screaming and struggling vigorously, but eventually as I took that step, the neurosurgical MO was willing to allow me to do it.

Overall it was a tiring night, didn't sleep until next day noon after paeds morning rounds, but again God was in control :)

Testimony sharing during Sunday service

Currently listening: Don Harris - For You alone (sung at CHC)

Good morning brothers and sisters. My name is Gary, and I graduated from Monash University, currently working as a doctor in Hospital Sultanah Aminah, Johor Bahru. I am currently joining the U3A student lifegroup. Today I would like to share with you my testimony on how I experienced God in my decision making process, and the precious lessons He taught me along the way.

First let me introduce a little bit of background of how I first came to know Hope JB. I came to know God while I was in my 1st year of my studies in Hope Melbourne, Australia, and have been joining Hope family of churches ever since. When I 1st came to Hope JB, it turned out to be a challenge for me. Why? The travelling distance was quite far from where I live, and I would end up taking public transport when nobody was coming along with me. In addition, I struggled a lot because I hardly knew how to converse in Mandarin.

Nevertheless, I overcame those struggles, and in my 3rd year God taught me a valuable principle, which has become the mainstay of what I do – Choose to honour God, and He will honour you. That is why I never compromised, be it in taking shortcuts in my academics or missing church activities, no matter how busy or tired I was. I saw how God blessed me in many areas as I made the decision to do so.

When I entered my final year, I was challenged to take that principle to another level. On one hand, I desire to see a lifegroup of strong and biblical medical students and doctors rise up and commit their lives to make a difference on campus and within the hospital. However, deep inside my heart, I also have my own dream, to become a successful specialist. When I went to Melbourne in my 1st year, I literally fell in love with the place, the working environment and pay in Australia was definitely better. It was very tempting, what more since I managed to get 2 provisional offers from Australia thanks to references from 2 prominent professors in my final year. But as I spent some time praying to seek God, and after consultation with leaders, I came to the conclusion that apart from my own personal reasons and preferences, I have no concrete reason to work there in terms of God’s plan.

At the same time, I faced challenges from my family, who were understandably upset and objected strongly to my decision to turn down my Australian offer as well as the option of working in their hometown. It was a very difficult situation for me, as I did not know what to do, apart from spending time praying. I was bothered with many doubts and questioned myself whether am I doing the right thing, since 3 years of putting in effort and I have yet to see much fruits from my ongoing labour. At one point I told God, if I am just wasting time down here, why bother? I might as well pack my bags and go pursue my own interests. I also have people telling me all sort of things out of good intention. One would say, “Don’t stay to see the seed grow, because sometimes you are one sowing it, only God can make it grow.”, whereas another would comment, “Don’t you have other churches in Australia / Malaysia to serve in? Why must it be Hope JB?” Nevertheless, this church is committed to fulfilling the great commission, and I told Him, “I may not fully understand your vision yet, but I want to stay back to learn, to be equipped and experience you more, as I have seen how lives can be changed as we offer ourselves to your plans and purposes.”

One day, I received an unexpected phone call from my dad, requesting for my personal particulars. I asked why. He wanted to pass it to his contact to see whether anything can be done about my hospital placement. Although I disagreed with the method, I appreciated it. From a situation where he was determined to prevent me from getting JB at all costs, God turned the situation around, where he was now going all out to help ensure I would get JB. I was moved to tears, and literally did not know how to respond. So did my shepherd, Ethan, when I shared this with him, he also did not know what to say apart from “God actually loves you very much”. In this process, I experienced how my parents still loved me and were willing to respect my decision, despite various disagreements.

My top 3 hospitals were all in Johor, 2 in JB, 1 in Batu Pahat. To some, this may be seen as risky gamble, putting all your choices in a single state, rather than varying it to stand a better chance of success. Furthermore, I did not know what to put as my reason for those 3 hospitals. Eventually I decided to do something crazy, by mentioning, “Commitment to my local church” as the reason.

God is good. I was offered Hospital Sultan Ismail as my placement (my 2nd choice). I was quite happy, it was a fully air-conditioned and computerized hospital, workload is more manageable and you get to do more stuff, but there is 1 problem: I don’t know any doctors / students there who have yet to come in – what am I about to do in terms of ministry?

At this time, my shepherd challenged me again, since it will not affect your initial outcome, why not you submit an appeal and ask for HSA? I was a bit reluctant to relinquish my offer, because I felt that I would be giving up something good for a worse working environment. However, I chose to believe that as we put God’s interests 1st, He will definitely look after our interests. Since I have limited time to appeal, I was at a loss again how to justify my reasons. Having ran out of ideas, I decided to submit another crazy yet not-so-concrete reason: Housing and transport convenience, and once again, church commitment. I was not holding any high hopes, since if you get your top 3 options, they are unlikely to entertain you. However, on the last day, God miraculously opened up a way, as they announced that my appeal was successful.

At the same time,I received encouraging news on my sheep who is currently in Hope Melbourne on final year exchange, where his humility to serve and help out in the student ministry, despite not having any title attached to him touched the hearts of several people. Having gotten a half-day off hospital work, he chose to take initiative and use the time to help out in campus ministry duties. It is indeed good news to hear how he is currently becoming a blessing to others, as he responded during altar call to have more passion in serving God despite his present struggles.

In conclusion, it has not been an easy process along the way, but I believe that I have been continuously reminded that as we make the best decision for God, He will for surely honour that decision. I might be very busy and stuck with various challenges at the moment, but I want to believe and be excited that where God has put me, He has His wonderful plan and purpose. All glory and honour to Him.

Psalm 126:5-6 - Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

*Note: some parts have been modified for completeness

Minor posting

The nice things about paediatric surgery:
You get to be funny and play with the kids (the not so sick ones, that is).
MO's are willing to teach (in fact, you have a weekly case presentation session).
You get to assist in OT unlike the minor postings of neurosurgery and urology.
You get to run the clinic too, unlike the other 2 minor postings.

The not so nice things about paediatric surgery:
Blood taking in kids can be a nightmare (especially if they scream into your eardrums, and you already noticed at least 10 puncture marks on both hands and feet).
There are only 3 housemen in the department, so 1 person have to take turn to cover both weekends.
As in med school, paeds = medicine / surgery for little people, condensed into a short time frame, so the reading list (as expected) is super long.. 2 pages, for a month long posting.

Jonah Neurosurgery call Part 2

Neurology has been 1 of my sore spots in medicine, but my 3-month neurosurgical rotation in Australia has been fun. Somehow, 2 calls in neurosurgery has completely ruined my impression of it :p lolz
After finishing work at 6.50pm during a long surgical day, was just about to grab some dinner and have a rest, when neurosurgical male ward called at 7pm. They needed somebody to call Kluang hospital's MO to accept a patient due to be transferred. It's funny how the person who wrote the referral letter earlier did not call them up as well.

Going through the case files, before I could figure out what to do or say, rushed to the Neuro HDU - 1 patient has asystole. Upon arrival and jumping onto the bed to commence CPR, the heart monitor reveals the rhythm to be ventricular fibrillation (this would be a very good time to try and remember what was practised during SIM centre).. The MO allowed me to play with the defibrillator (different from the one we used in Monash / Australia), so I delivered 3 shocks to the patient. Adrenaline and atropine given. No response. The MO told me to go do rounds since nothing much could be done.

Going back up, managed to call up Kluang hospital and push through the referral, only to be told that the Kluang ambulance people could not wait and had already left. So the patient is staying with us, whether we like it or not. Returning to the HDU, had the unenviable task of filling up the death certification and documentation, as well as informing the friends who arrived and family over the phone. So unprepared.. I think I did fine, but if 1 thing bothers me, CPR attempt was documented as 30 minutes in duration, when in actual fact I don't remember anybody bothering to go on even more than 10 minutes..

Was in the process of taking ABGs when the OT called to run for blood at the blood bank. An 8-year old boy whom we saw earlier when he came to HDU was undergoing craniotomy, but upon arrival at the blood bank with the patient's info, they denied receiving any forms for blood request. It turned out that of all the bloods taken, the nurse forgot the GXM cross-match, and knowing how difficult it is to take blood from kids in the middle of surgery, the anaesthetist literally blew up in the OT..

It's already midnight, and I have been running up and down, and up again to the paediatric surgery ward. New case for admission, as the poor little girl fell forward off her bicycle and hit her head on the handle bar. You know what was the best part of clerking her? Dozing off in front of her mum.. and to add another moment of laughter, when I drew the diagram of the haematoma, I was actually extremely tired and sleepy, so for some unknown reason I labeled the wound 'For bowel prep'. By the time I was done, started TDS rounds at some weird time in the morning - 2am at male ward, and 3.30am at female ward.

At the female ward, I was greeted to the sight of a patient who appeared tachypnoeic, which was being ignored by the staff nurse to my annoyance. Suddenly, she began hyperventilating / gasping, and you could hear wheezes from her tracheostomy. ABG: respiratory alkalosis. Gave her some nebuliser and trachymask oxygen. Sent down to neuroHDU.

My colleague, who came into NeuroHDU as I left, was greeted to a sight of 10 patients, and turned towards me and griped, "Why in the world did you fill up my ward??!"

Call ended around 6.45am. No time to shower / eat / sleep also.. start surgical rounds.

30

The following 30-hour marathon takes place between 5.30am (14 February) and 12.30pm (15 February).

6.00am - Leave for work.
6.30am - Start clerking patients.
7.15am - Patient came in for epigastric pain TRO acute cholecystitis. Amylase 2478. Acute pancreatitis! Quickly scramble with MO to work out our management plan.
7.45am - Another surgeon replacing my consultant comes to review patients. Changed the Ranson criteria to modified Glasgow criteria. When everybody (even the MO) did not know what is the Glasgow criteria and its significance, he called all of us @$$h****, and asked how in the world did I pass med school.
9.15am - For some reason, today there are only 3 of the usual 5 people in our team. So with 1 patient who needs to rush to the scope room accompanied by a houseman, 3 patients who need to be discharged, nurses bugging you for bunged IV drips and bloods to be taken, the pancreatitis patient who needed an ultrasound etc, the surgeon asks 2 of the 3 to go down to clinic immediately coz it's overfilling with patients and the 5 housemen rostered for clinic are missing,(obviously not possible, ward work needs to be done 1st).
10.10am - The usual routine of being yelled at by the radiologist.
10.25am - Cancer patient A needs to postpone chemotherapy due to electrolyte imbalance. Palliative care unit not picking up the phone.
10.26am - Cancer patient B needs an oncology opinion regarding her chemotherapy due to neutropenic sepsis. HSI not picking up the phone.
12.15pm - A patient previously discharged after a Hartmann's procedure got readmitted for wound breakdown. The ward is filling up.
12.55pm - Just when you thought you have finished the work and are about to grab a quick lunch, the paediatric ward upstairs called. As the neurosurgical HO on call, need to review a young kid who suffered a temporo-parietal haematoma after a fall from 1 metre supine onto the concrete pavement while at the playground.
1.45pm - Rush back to the ward to review patients for afternoon rounds.
2.35pm - Afternoon rounds start.
3.15pm - Our consultant surgeon came. Learnt a lot from him, though got grilled a lot also. Asked me to be more confident.
4.15pm - Apologised to head of department who happened to be in the ward, for failing to trace his patient's histopathological report. Simply did not have the time.
4.40pm - Just realised that the next day's on call roster has not been drawn up.
4.45pm - Patient suspected anastomotic leak post-reversal of Hartmann's, planned for CT gastrograffin. Rushed to take consent and fill up forms.
5.15pm - Patient who came in earlier for wound breakdown had seropurulent discharge when sutures removed. Surgeon was initially worried about faeculent material resulting from fistula.
5.45pm - Family of a patient who has recovered from an upper GI bleed due to a gastric ulcer demands that you allow her to be discharged as she has been feeling anxious and uneasy with her hospital stay, though you wonder how to break the news to them that you were actually awaiting medical opinion regarding beta blockers for her sinus tachycardia, and psychiatry review for her apparent symptoms of low mood, poor eye contact, symptoms of persecutory delusions (bed has electric shock) and hearing voices of children playing nearby. Eventually no psychiatry condition elicited, allowed AOR discharge.
6.30pm - After the tests were planned, confirmed, and everybody has gone home, patient who was planned for CT gastrograffin mentioned that she had the abdominal pain because the nurse clamped her CBD. She felt better after its release. Endured a scolding from a pissed off MO to just do what the boss ordered when asked opinion to cancel the CT.
7.00pm - Ward work done. No time for dinner. Grabbed a bun and start Neurosurgical HDU night rounds.
8.15pm - Wondering what are all the PEEP/SIMV/CPAP measurements which the consultants and lecturers all dismissed as not important for our level during medical school..
8.30pm - 8 ABGs to be taken, 4 turned out to be VBGs.. *swt* have to re-do..
10.30pm - Night rounds at male and female ward upstairs..
3.30am - Finished night rounds. Felt like sleeping in one of the ward beds. Blurring of vision sets in (hungry and running on 2 cans of coffee) :p
4.30am - Patient from Segamat suspected intracranial bleed. Inserted CBD. Patient decided to urinate before CBD could be secured with balloon. CBD was shot right back out of his urethra, followed by a fountain spray of urine. What a mess..
5.55am - Half an hour more before my presumed end of neurosurgical call (and freedom) when the HDU phone rang. Please come upstairs to neurosurgical ward female, a patient chose this moment to go into asystole. CPR for over half an hour and had to accompany patient back to HDU..
7.30am - Start morning rounds (despite it being public holiday)
12.30pm - Finally able to go home.

Week 2 in General Surgery - Things that keep you going

Currently listening: Hillsong - Love like fire

Surgeon: So Gary, do you like surgery enough to become a surgeon?"
Me: Err.. actually not that keen on things which require quite a fair bit of hand dexterity.
Surgeon: I see, so what do you prefer? Something which requires more of foot dexterity?
Me: *swt*

2 weeks already. Finished tagging and already went through 1 episode of Operating theatre on-call. Imagine the sight of laparotomies and colostomies at 2am in the morning. 2 hours of sleep before starting next day of work, making it 36 hours straight on the job. Nevertheless, I think I can say things have been good so far.

Fell sick while working during Chinese New Year, but no choice lar, since I am saving my leave for convocation in Sunway. Being a 1st poster in the ward, among mostly more senior and experienced housemen can be intimidating, but should be fine as time passes. My philosophy has always been 'I may not be the smartest, but I try to compensate for it through hard work'. Yes, did get scolded by surgeons for things which are not really your fault, MOs who are hard on you coz I was quite blur having forgotten a lot of things since leaving med school, nurses with attitude problems, and colleagues who disappear and dump their work on you.. Also have been thrown into the deep end by being called down to review patients in the clinic, despite being only 2 weeks on the job (due to staff shortage).

However, amidst all these, able to see the positive results of going the extra mile for your patients, some of whom actually walked up all the way to your ward workstation to shake your hand in gratitude, while 1 Chinese patient gave me an angpau and orange.

There was also a difficult moment with an elderly Malay patient. She was a known case of anaemia, had cholelithiasis and was due for a cholecystectomy. Initially she was allowed to eat, then fasted, and the cycle repeated for 3 days in a row as her surgery kept getting postponed. Her young daughter, whom had taken weeks of leave from her workplace in Simpang Renggam, broke down in front of me, at the sight of her mother having to endure such a fate. Duno what to do or say, could only offer reassurance and a packet of tissue. When the surgery was over, the T-tube dislodged, and they had to go back in to adjust it and correct the peritonitis. By the time they were done, she had severe metabolic acidosis and altered mental status. Despite her daughter's frantic cries at the bedside, she could neither recognise her, nor me. Honestly, I was trying very hard not to shed a tear.. but we did all we could.

To cut the long story short, she did come out of ICU a few days later, anxious to go home after bouts of physiotherapy. Today although I was not the one to write her discharge summary (as I'm not rostered for work), she doesn't need me now - her family is currently by her side, and the last sight as I walked out of the ward was that of her daughter's face brimming with a smile. Priceless :)

A GPS Christmas

Movie review - Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Currently listening: Carrie Underwood - There's a place for us

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above,
A world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong,
Exactly who we are is just enough
There's a place for us, there's a place for us.

This holiday season, took Joyce's advice to catch the latest installment of the Chronicles of Narnia, one which I really enjoyed. Despite it being a midnight show, I guess it left a deep impact on me, due to several parts which I identified with. Would definitely consider watching a 2nd time..

The latest adventure whisked Edmund and Lucy Pevensie, along with their mischievous and annoying cousin, Eustace Scrubb on an adventure onboard the Dawn Treader. Accompanying Caspian X (King of Narnia) and crew, they set off on a journey to rescue citizens from Lone Island who were sacrificed to the green mist, and defeat the evil originating from Dark Island before it grows and consumes Narnia.

Along the way, Lucy ripped a page from the Book of Incantations, and secretly read the torn page containing the spell to make her beautiful as her sister. She suddenly finds herself as Susan, and back on Earth at a party, together with Edmund and Peter. Realizing that Lucy is not around, she's bothered by her conscience and decides to be herself again. She sees Aslan through a mirror, who tells her that she mustn't lack self-value for she is beautiful just the way she is. Lucy wakes up, goes to Caspian and Edmund, who have also plagued by the green mist playing on their personal struggles: Edmund's self-doubt assuming the form of the White Witch which offered to make him a king with more power, as well as Caspian, with his fear of not living up to his father's expectations. It deals with the issue of one's self image and lack of security as a result of their perceived weaknesses.

At first, Eustace irritated everyone with his attitude, but it dramatically changes after he was cursed into being a dragon for greed and selfishness, as he attempted to steal some treasure from a volcanic island they landed on. Eventually with the support of his cousins, and even more of the warrior mouse Reepicheep, Eustace becomes a more generous and cooperative person, using his dragon form to the Dawn Treader crews' advantage, earning their respect. Hence, began the unlikeliest of friendships between warrior mouse and a brat, the former teaching the latter about honour, courage and loyalty. When Aslan changed him back to his original form, he realised that he could not do so by himself no matter how hard he tried, and the pain which he went through in the process was a good transformation process. I suppose it's something to be thankful for as God's grace is sufficient for us, even at times when we make mistakes.

Dark Island served as a reminder that whether we choose to admit it or not, deep inside of us lies our greatest fears, and temptations which might drive us to do undesirable things if we are not careful.

In the end, with the evil forces banished, Caspian along with Reepicheep, Lucy, Edmund, and Eustace, ventured in a small boat through a sea of lilies until they reach a wall of water that extends into the sky. There they meet Aslan, who tells them that beyond the wall of water, lies his country. Caspian asks Aslan whether his father is there, but Aslan said that the only way to know is to go there by himself though he may never return from there. Caspian decides not to go, as he cannot leave his kingdom which his father fought for until his death. Reepicheep gains Aslan's blessing to see his country, paddling a coracle up the waterfall to be never again seen in Narnia. Aslan then sends the children home, telling them that Edmund and Lucy will not return to Narnia because just like Peter and Susan,they are too old to return now and that they should learn to know him better by another name in their own world. However, Eustace, now a much nicer person from his time in Narnia, can return someday.

Post-15th MNC

Currently listening: Desperation Band - Counting on God

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Untitled from HIM Videos on Vimeo.

Convention is over, and so we bid farewell to Penang. The land of Char Kuey Teow and Asam Laksa, where we came and left via a 12-hour bumpy bus ride, was also the site of 4 days and 3 nights of intense teaching, preaching and also praise and worship with 1500 people. How was it? Well, the theme was on unity, something which is of utmost importance but also something difficult to achieve in our midst today, especially since humans are naturally wired to usually look after our own self-interests / preferences 1st.

Personally speaking, as someone who is going through quite a rough season at the moment, I came with expectations of receiving a spoken word that would directly address my circumstances. I have been blessed with previous experiences during conventions or whenever I had opportunities to interact with certain people (both Malaysia and Australia),when I will be reminded of certain things through the person praying / prophesying for me as I reflected on it, but this time there was none.

Nevertheless, God did not disappoint, instead choosing to work through the lessons we were being taught. I was actually not expecting much for the 2nd night and 3rd morning sessions, but as Pastor Simon and Pastor Moses preached the word, it felt as if it was cutting through certain attitudes of the heart which (being an extremely task-/result-oriented person) I needed to change (eg being patient with one another, the way I see others, proper conflict resolution - rather than just scolding people who don't listen when I'm not happy or avoid confronting the problem etc). It's hard, but in a way it's a blessing in disguise.

U3 Core Team (Ethan, Belinda, Dominic and me) went for bowling and a game of pool at Pelangi.

Lifegroup this week - nothing fancy. A potluck cookout where those who could, contributed some food for dinner, but in the midst of such simplicity, was able to see how God move in the hearts of people. Dominic shared about how from everyday life experiences (eg asking for 1, but ended up scoring 2 strikes though he was not good at bowling), he got reminded the need to bring forth a simple heart before God. Maureen (1 of our African sisters) was encouraging - against all odds, her research proposal got past a strict supervisor, and in the process, she managed to bring along another friend whose troubles were resolved thanks to her help.

Ethan took Pastor Jeff's suggestion to share our greatest fears during discussion group, which helped draw us together to understand each other more. As for me? I came to another humbling realisation that if I were to continue doing God's work using my own strength, it's going to be a very frustrating path ahead..

Wo Xin Wo Xing (A Walk of Faith)

A journey of mingled sensation
Ever thought of giving up in the midst of storms
There can be a victory amidst a life filled with tears
When we are willing to offer up our lives again and again

I will no longer dwell in self pity
For there's always sunshine after the storm
No matter how tough the way is, I will persevere on
Making the choice to run towards the Vision undoubtedly.

Chorus
A walk of faith
I have no doubt in my future
Facing everyday full of confidence
Taking on every challenge with total courage.

A walk of faith
This Vision is too great and life is too short
No time to pause and sigh
Let's lay down our burdens and march on.

Nostalgia

Something about my 1st year in Melbourne, which I came across while browsing through some old desktop files..

Class of 2010 - graduation dinner video

Video by Anna


A parody of 39 of us performed on that night, sung to Bruno Mars' 'Just the way you are'.

Countdown to 15th Hope Malaysia National Convention (4-7 Dec 2010)

Venue: Komtar Dome, Penang

Unstoppable

I enjoy Denzel Washington's movies, and watching his latest release with my shepherd did not disappoint (for me, at least). Frank Barnes (Washington) is a veteran railroad engineer and single father who struggles in juggling between work and maintaining a good relationship with his 2 daughters; Will Colson (Chris Pine) is his young conductor in the process of dealing with a marriage fallout as a result of a misunderstanding with his estranged wife and kids. Initially both did not like each other as Barnes was forced into early retirement to make way for Colson's recruitment, and Will finds it difficult to tolerate Barnes' dose of sarcasm and harsh treatment.

Nevertheless, amidst their efforts to stop a runaway train (thus putting their own lives at risk), a few things were evident in terms of human relationships; 2 people may not see eye to eye with one another, but if we could learn to see beyond each other's differences and work together towards a common purpose, we could actually discover that we have more in common than ever imagined. In the midst of a crisis, you learn to say "Hey come'on, look at the bigger picture. There are more serious things going on which need to be dealt with, compared to our personal problems, which at times actually do appear petty.." It also shows how at times, it takes courage to do the right thing, even if it meant the costly decision of losing your job..

Anyway, the flick started off slow and builds up towards a climactic conclusion, so hang on :) I read somewhere that they minimise the use of special effects and the actors do most of the stunts themselves, which was cool!

Currently listening: Keith Green - Make my life a prayer to you

Well I wanna thank You now
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what You say
Oh you're coming again
Coming to take me away

Seriously, if you ask me? I duno. Duno what to do, duno whom to talk to, duno what's next.

Because someone picked me up - 2

Currently listening: True Worshippers (Youth) - Jadi SepertiMu

"Ubah hatiku, seputih hatiMu
Setulus salibMu, kasihMu Tuhan
Biar mataku, seperti mataMu
Pancarkan kasihMu, ku mau jadi sepertiMu."

We watched a movie about Ron Clark, a dedicated teacher who left the comforts of his small town, to take up a teaching position in a problematic classroom at one of New York's troubled neighbourhood schools. I think most people (even myself) would have blown our tops having to deal with such hopeless kids who show no respect and go all out to drive you nuts. In other words, almost everybody has given up on them.

Nevertheless, able to see how this teacher was willing to go through great lengths and try all sorts of methods, even making a fool out of himself, in order to win the hearts of the students and help them achieve their full potential. Eventually by taking personal interest in them, he managed to bring forth change, and the worst class of the school ended up scoring the highest marks among other schools in the state for their exams.

God never gave up on us. Today, as Romans 5:8 put it that Christ died for us while we were still sinners, I'm especially thankful for those in my discussion group:
a) D*, for sharing how from being a stubborn person, what led to his decision to come to know God, and how his life was being transformed gradually in the process. Unexpectedly, he also apologised for being harsh to me in the past, when I initially tried to bring him to church.
b) C*, how despite her own nature of being a resentful person, God gave her the courage to take the 1st step to apologise (even though it's not entirely her fault) and forgive a good friend of hers, who had caused much personal hurt and grief. Could see that it was not an easy process, but it always starts from one person's willingness to let go.

Free time + People I'm grateful to

Currently listening: Rob Thomas - Little wonders (OST: Meet the Robinsons)

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1. Revisited some my earlier posts when I 1st blogging, and was thinking to myself, did I actually write them? Coz they sounded childish and rather immature.. Oh well..

2. At times I tend to end up comparing with others the things I do..and it can get frustrating when I struggle to comprehend certain people's mindset. Nevertheless, got reminded of Psalm 126:5-6 - Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

3. Surgical elective concluded with a record number of surgeries witnessed and assisted (on my part as medical student) and a favourable report expressing confidence from my supervisor, which I'm thankful for.. She actually wrote at length about my strengths and areas for improvement. Monash doesn't pay her for my elective, and I felt a bit 'pai seh' when she invited me for her Hari Raya open house, so my way of thanking her and the department? A box of chocolates should do the trick :)

4. Dermatological posting was exciting - lasted only 4 days, but covered most of the skin conditions I would loved to have seen and diagnosed..

5. I requested several books from the main campus via intercampus loan. The people in Sunway initially refused since they only have 1 copy each, instead suggesting for the clinical school library to acquire the books over time. I'm thankful for our librarian here. No doubt it's a case by case basis, but she actually fought for the books on the basis that I'm a final year student. To my amazement, the books actually arrived within 2 days, guess I owed her one :)